Top Thailand Tips

Use Miss Oh!!!! She is a travel agent in Thailand and has an extensive understanding of the adoption world. She can provide transportation services if needed. (More cost effective to use cabs unless you have a big family, in my opinion.) She will take papers needing to be translated, drop them off, pick them up, check for errors and deliver them to you. We received way more than we paid for with Miss Oh! She brought sweets to our son the first day she met him. We were able to ask any questions we wanted like shopping and restaurant suggestions, sightseeing tips, writing names of destinations in Thai for us to use with the cab drivers. Most importantly, Miss Oh talked with our son explaining many things for us. She had conversations that produced many useful tidbits we never would have otherwise known. Like our son was really hoping to have a RED bike, he wanted to grow his hair longer like his Daddy's, (mind you Papa's hair isn't long but in comparison to the buzz look he was use to, it was) and was 3rd in his school class of 33 children.

Eat at Central Chidlom Department Store's FoodLoft! This place was awesome! Great choices for everyone, good food, inexpensive prices! We were so bummed we went there near the end of our trip because we would have gone back. They have one booth that was noodles! Our 8 year old was so excited about it and I would think it would be great for the 2 year old range also. His meal was very similiar to the food we saw him eat at the orphanage.

Buy this map NOW!! Nancy Chandler's map of Bangkok is so useful! I had heard about it and wanted to get one when we got to Thailand, which I did. However, it is so jam-packed with information you need to get it to plan before going. The map is truly amazing with it's details and information and the accompanying booklet is filled with useful info. Miss Oh even saw it and said it looked like it was THE map! So much detail it was even helpful to show our hotel valets to explain to the cab drivers where we wanted to go.

Thai Berlitz Kids 1000 Words book rocks! It can be found at this link to explain what can be found in the book. However I can't find a place on the web to buy it. I didn't search too long though. We bought it in Thailand at the AA Bookstore. Very useful words shown in english, Thai characters and Thai letters.

I would truly love to go back now!

Attachment Part 3

Thank you to everyone for accepting my feelings. I appreciate all your kind words.

I best jump to the present though! We have come a LONG way. The day before we were scheduled to leave Thailand as we sat in the US Embassy, Jet leaned his elbow on my leg!! I couldn't believe it!! It felt wonderful. He leaned on me completely for the plane ride in order to look out the window. It has just continued from there!

Jet now snuggles on my lap, holds my hand well, gives me hugs, looks to be picked up, lets me put lotion on and kiss him.

Upon arriving in the states, I did hope it would help Jet to see Peanut, Bug and I interacting. All the above things didn't just happen right away. He would still be stiff in my lap, but not try to get away. I did encourage contact with me. For example, I put lotion on the kids, starting with Peanut so he could see it, rubbing and massaging for awhile. I exaggerated the care of any ouchies he got so I could have contact with him. I still do those things, I figure he missed out on a lot of that "mothering" so I need to make up for it. I also want our kids to have that example of a Mom for their future.

Papa and I had gone back to the orphanage with Jet a second time and were able to see better interaction with staff. There was definitely a more playful, fun relationship with the guys and more serious, caretaking with the women. We both agree had our other children been with us, it might have helped Jet to see the interactions between us and feel more comfortable with a Mama.

Our only concern is we what have seen when we are out, Jet easily hugs whomever is talking to us. There are times our other kids have done it first, but at times they haven't and we really don't know the person that well. So we obviously have that as a concern, to ensure he is able to distinguish the difference. We have not been going out much and my family knows only we help with those primary needs like food and bathroom.

We are simply amazed at the progress that has been made in our family over the last few weeks. Jet is an incredibly resilient child who I believe was well prepared for this adjustment. In some ways it seems he has always been here with us. He works so hard at the language. It has been fun for all of us to watch the wonder of the things we take for granted. The kids and i took him through the car wash the other day. Peanut and Bug have been waiting forever to do that and he loved it! His wonder and amazement is very contagious!

God has proven once again....He knows what He is doing!!

Attachment Part 2--Thailand

I would like to apologize NOW for the following things that will be mentioned in this post. I know myself and I will feel the need to say I am sorry or I feel bad for many of my thoughts, feelings or comments. That would make the post very long for me to write, you to read and I have no pictures planned along the way to add interest. :)) So I will try not to do that if you promise to remember I am being truthfully honest about very real emotions. Not all pretty ones. In a stressful situation (not to make excuses). I am very thankful I have a merciful God Who does already know the thoughts and feelings I experienced.

As I stated yesterday, I was not ruffled in the beginning. I was actually thrilled Jet liked his Papa and was able to spend this time with him. As a SAHM, who home schools, the kids and I have plenty of time to be together. As the primary caretaker at home, it was enjoyable to have Papa doing "more" than me. I enjoyed being there, watching these moments between Jet and his new Papa. My husband MORE than stepped up to the plate which made it even more enjoyable to witness.

When I started noticing the difference in play with me, not sitting on my lap, trying to worm his hand out of mine, etc...I made mention to Papa. He didn't "see" it. I wasn't trying hard enough.

Now in all fairness to my hubby, he was not trying to mean here. As far as he not seeing it, the times most of those things happened we were out somewhere. The busy, hectic streets of Bangkok, a meeting for the adoption, the orphanage, a restaurant. As for the not trying hard enough, I will admit I was slightly uneasy. I was not too sure of myself, not wanting to scare the kid but emotionally wanting to swoop this child up, hug and kiss him and not let go. We had been dreaming and thinking about THIS particular child for 20 months. I knew my 2 kids loved hugs, snuggles, etc, but I was concerned it might be too much for him. So to a degree, I held back, I believe in retrospect.

I felt like I detached a little too, partly due to the fact that I was in a foreign country to bring my son home and also due to the emotions surrounding seeing the poverty, so many children without families and sex trade. We live in the land of plenty. I know there is poverty in the US, I just haven't seen it. And this I saw, every time we left our hotel.

I now realize the rather sheltered life I have led, though if you had asked me prior to this trip I would not have answered in that way. (Oops, I did have pics to share)

So after grumbling at my husband for being mean ;)), I tried even harder. I did make sure Papa was watching though. Not only to see for himself the difference but that I was trying.

During this time, I, of course, told Papa we knew this could happen. It wasn't unusual. The books did mention this as a possibility. However, how can one plan the way they will handle it, if it
happens to them?

I persevered. I still got in the water with them at the pool. I pretended to be a shark after Jet just like Papa was doing. I grabbed his hand to hold when necessary and "danced" our hands trying to make a game out of it. I tried very hard to ignore the unhappy shrieks and looks of disdain from Jet.

I never did stop trying but gradually I found myself walking a few steps behind Jet and Papa. Letting them be in their world and me be in mine. I did what I wanted, if I wanted to read in the sun, I did. If I saw something to look at in a store, I stopped. I took care of all the adoption paperwork stuff leaving child duty up to Papa. I was still a part of everything, but a distant part. I felt it didn't matter whether I was there or not.

Eventually, I became so disheartened I started making rather mean comments to my husband. In private, between us and not directed at him (or Jet) but venting, frustrated (and possibly snide :(( ) comments. I tend to be the picture taker in our house. Jet refused to be in pictures with me and he refused to smile (or look at me) when I was trying to take a picture of him and Papa. So I started making comments about not even bothering to take our camera with us since we weren't going to get any good pictures anyway. This is one example of the irritation I allowed to slip out to my husband. I struggled with wanting to "force" the child (my view at the time) to do the things he didn't want to do like hold my hand, sit on my lap. Those were my thoughts when the anger and frustration threatened to take over. I DID win that battle, just so you know. :))

My Peanut was home miserable with a BAD case of the chicken pox, my Bug REALLY missed his Mama and my long-waited-for Jet wanted NOTHING to do with me.

What had we done, I thought?

Next installment tomorrow....

Attachment Part 1-Thailand

I had read the books.

I did the online classes.

I had read blogs, forums and bulletin boards.

I knew the stories well. Quite often when a child first joins a family through adoption a preference is shown for one parent. Not only is a preference shown for one but the other parent is often unable to do anything for the child without making them upset.

I was confident in our ability to handle this situation. Our 8 year old son had pictures of us. The few things I had come across in relation to older child adoption had comments like "the minute she saw us she knew who we were!", "he recognized us and flew into our arms".

Besides, I am a Mama, an affectionate, hugging, kissing, hand-holding, child carrying, snuggling, loving Mama. It seemed to me, if Jet didn't come running into our arms instantly, I would most certainly be the one he would attach to you at first.

(I must insert a reminder here--I am keeping it real, telling it like it is, human flaws and all.)

Yes, it would be me.
It wasn't me.

NOT BY A LONG SHOT WAS IT ME!! At the orphanage Jet came to both of us hesitantly. He allowed both of us to give him side-to-side hugs. Neither one of us pushed it at all. He seemed to like us, was ready to go with us but was reserved as well. Naturally.

Within a few short hours this was the way he was with hubby:

A subtle change had started to take place. He was definitely preferring Papa, liking to hold his hand when it was necessary, looking to him for answers and direction. I wasn't too concerned, really didn't notice it. Only in retrospect am I able to see it. I went about doing things for him, swooping in as that loving Mama when the grieving it the first night.

Papa and I started to notice things the next few days. Like when it was necessary for him to hold a hand (crossing a street) he would lunge for Papa. No exaggeration--LUNGE. Jet got to the point where he knew the time was coming for one of us to reach for his hand so he would grab Papa's prior to us reaching. My leg literally could not touch his leg when sitting next to each other. In the situations where he had NO CHOICE (because if there WAS a choice, he was nowhere near me) but to sit next to me, he spent the entire time shifting, moving, trying not to allow any part of him to touch any part of me.

If Papa and I were sitting next to each other, Jet would stand on the side of Papa that was not near me. If Papa moved him in between us, Jet would become very antsy and move back as soon as he could. Doing everything he could to keep his body so no part was touching me. If for any reason I was closest and needed to pull Jet onto my lap he resisted, keeping his body stiff and feet on the ground. His hands would work to "free" himself from me.

Getting out of the cab I would reach for Jet's hand to get us to safety while Papa paid the driver. Jet would not "hold" my hand, rather he would work to twist his hand out of mine, looking at me with disdain. The minute Papa was free Jet was grabbing his hand and looking at me to release his other hand. When the 3 of us were playing in the pool, I would try to swim after him like Papa did or play in a similar way. Jet would make a whine sound and, again, lunge for Papa. To protect him.

When I said he wasn't fond of me, I really wasn't kidding.

It wasn't me. In a big way.

I do not write any of this for sympathy. It is what it is. The idea is for families to share, be aware, know they are not alone in this journey of adoption we are called to.

I will be keeping it real tomorrow with MY reactions!

My 1st Blog Award!!

I have seen many blog awards on other blogs as I wander around reading others stories. But never one as ADORABLE as this one!!

My friend, Sarah, from Bunches of Burches, gave me this award. She and her hubby have been trying to grow their family with many trials and struggles along the way. They were just chosen by a birthmom for a little one due in November! Please pray things go well for all involved in this baby's life.

Here are the rules:

Post this cute award to your blog.
Link the person from whom you received the award.
Nominate as many blogs as you'd like.
Leave a comment on their blog telling them how adorable they are!!

I nominate:

Kam @ Faith, Family, and Adoption Kam, Jason and their 2 adorable girls are waiting for a little boy to join their family from Thailand.

Ellie @ Little Lily Ellie, Eric and their brood of 3 cutie-pies are waiting for an official referral of their daughter, Lily from Thailand.

Molly @ Motherhood and Musings My beautiful sister blogs here, occasionally! and pics of my scrumptious niece and nephew can be seen.

Kelly @ The Dawson Diaries Kelly and Brian have 4 beautiful girls and are very interested in adopting one day!

Going from 2 to 3

"So how is it going from 2-3 kids" my friend asked me last week.

I am sure we have all heard it both ways. No difference adding another after 2 or as parents we are outnumbered now!!

Now I realize we are a bit different because of the ages of Peanut and Bug plus Jet being an older child adoption. But here is my experience!

More laundry. I am not sure how one small 8 year old can produce that much more laundry, but it seems my piles of laundry have gotten bigger. (Now here is where I would insert a picture of a pile of laundry to spice up the post if I hadn't broken our new camera 2 days ago. :)) Toss in the bulky fleece pullovers he is STILL wearing everyday, sheets for an extra bed and towels, cloth napkins and placemats for a 5th person and you end up with a little bit of extra laundry!!

Having all 3 walking, yet no one young enough for the cart, does make for interesting times out by myself as far as hand holding. I was not smart (we don't use the word stupid in our house but it fits!) and took us all to the grocery store again for a quick trip. Jet still doesn't want to hold Peanut's hand. I figured it was a cultural thing, and therefore wasn't going to push it for now, until he held the neighbor girl's hand to run through the sprinkler. Gotta hold Peanut's hand, Buddy!! If he knew more English or I knew more Thai it really wouldn't be a problem going out with all three. I just can't communicate the need to stay close by, where I can see you or there is a car coming!!

We already struggled with one child talking at the same time as the other so that hasn't changed any except now there is 3 trying to talk all at once!

Peanut and Bug still sit on my lap and snuggle. It is definitely difficult to get all three on my lap. Jet does not like being smooshed whereas Peanut and Bug don't care if it means they are with Mama. It is taking some thinking on my part as I work to make myself an equal-opportunity Mama. ;)) Part of it is making sure each child's needs are being met separately instead of as one. It is probably better for everyone in the long run.

More groceries. We couldn't keep fresh fruit in the house before Jet came home!! Our grocery bill has increased, buying Thai ingredients here is expensive. Wal*mart doesn't carry much of it so our 1 big grocery chain can charge whatever they want. Jet gets very excited when we go down the asian food aisle in the grocery stores. He stands in front of the many different types of rice, saying "Mama, Mama" over and over again!! I must not be making rice enough!!

Now I hope you all know me well enough to realize I am by NO means complaining about a single thing on this list! I feel very blessed to have more laundry to do, come up with more ways to keep our grocery bill down, have more snuggle time......It helps me to keep my focus where it needs to be. On God, my husband and my children. Bringing a 3rd child into our fold has only increased my focus.

Papa and I talk alot about idleness and how it can create more opportunities for satan to tempt us. Living in this broken world there are already so many temptations being put before us the minute we walk out the door of our house. We have to be vigiliant in keeping our homes as free from the temptations as we possibly can. I love Proverbs 31 and specifically look to verses 26-27 as my goal to strive for everyday.

She opens her mouth with wisdom
and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

I am thankful that each morning, with God's mercy, I am able to start anew and hope to one day fulfill the next verse:

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her.


So.....more laundry, cooking, snuggling, teaching.....BRING IT ON!!!!!!

Picture Post

This beautiful tree is located right outside the cottage where Jet lived. Isn't the orange color amazing?

This was taken from our cab. We couldn't believe how many people were on each tuk tuk!! We did take one ride on a tuk tuk. It is a must do for the experience!! Just one time though, imo.


This mini-temple was on the orphanage grounds near the front. I am assuming it was used to teach the children about Buddha and to give him honor.


The playroom in Jet's cottage was filled with more toys than I had anticipated. Many were educational type toys and quite a few books.


There was playground equipment set up in many different areas on the grounds of the orphanage.


A goofy picture of Papa at our hotel on our first day as we checked things out! (Pun intended!) We took it especially for Papa's Disn*y-loving parents!

Hope you all enjoyed! I realized the last post was fairly boring with NO pictures. So I thought this would be fun!

Board Meeting Day

We had meet with our Thai SW on the Friday prior to our Wednesday board meeting. That was the day we went to meet our son. At that meeting she said she wanted me to wear a dress or skirt and Papa, nice pants with a button down shirt. Ummm, ok.

Our agency had given us instructions as to what to wear to the board meeting. For women they suggested either dress pants or a dress/skirt. I had spent alot of time before we left picking out an outfit to wear. Dress pants were the end result.

It was one of those situations were you feel like you have to do whatever is necessary to be able to adopt your child. There seems to be quite a few of those situations.

I responded in the affirmative. We would figure it out, we have 5 days, right?

I am fairly certain my shirt DID NOT match my skirt. Neither color nor material.

But the Munchkin did get to come home with us! :))


I am not sure what I really expected of the meeting. I know I expected the board members to be mostly men. Not sure why. We had 3 ladies in our room.

I was too hot to be nervous prior to the meeting. As indicated, there was no air conditioning where we waited our turn. I had fallen the day before so I had a swollen left knee and twisted right ankle. Both were swelling by the minute and were visible due to the skirt situation.

Then there was the fact Jet would be asked questions as well. Let's remember he was not fond of Mama. (Really that puts it rather mildly!) What would they ask him and would he answer them?! He had taken to not responding to Thais when they spoke to him. UGH!

The meeting was enjoyable. I liked seeing these ladies and knowing they had probably played a part in making our family what it was about to become. I was able to silently pray for them and all their efforts to find homes for these children. I could hopefully display to them a little bit of "us" and how blessed WE felt to be Jet's parents. My labor.

Their questions ranged from how long have we been waiting to adopt, our schooling plans to the kids back home. They had our homestudy in front of them and went through it as they asked questions. We talked about Thailand, our impressions, how long we had been there and they made suggestions of places to go.

They spoke to Jet. He was hesitant at first but then he warmed up. We, of course, were clueless as to what they were asking him as well as his answers! He had the ladies laughing many times. A few things they did translate for us.

He eats hot dogs for breakfast.

He sleeps in the middle. LOL

Translation, please.

Hot dogs=sausage links

We had a king size bed. We had him in the middle so he didn't fall out or leave the room in the middle of the night.

Thankfully, they were laughing...even if it was with a little bit of a hmmmm in their comments.

After that one board member asked the ages of our other 2 children. As we started to answer, another member found the info and laughingly said,

2000, 2001, 2002! They all found that funny.

It was over.

As we were getting up, I was reduced to tears as one woman softly said,

"Thank you for giving him a home."


No, THANK YOU for allowing us the privilege of calling this boy SON.

Blessings

Two revelations today--

Bug was able to share with me this morning he is struggling because he hasn't had any Sissy (AKA Peanut) time. Just Sissy time. I am very thankful he and I were able to figure it out, yet I am sad. I will admit I was concerned about the changes to Peanut and Bug's relationship. They have been inseparable for years. I didn't realize a brother and sister could be as close as they have been. I really loved how they cared for each other and were always together. Papa and I talked many times about how we thought it might be impacted by the adoption. Were we doing the right thing? we wondered. I know it is very early in the whole process, we are still just trying to figure so many things out. This is my outlet--my place to share my thoughts and feelings, even if they are a little scattered! I pray we are able to nurture and grow all 3 to have wonderful relationships with each other.

Gem really hit it on the head, I think, with Jet's reluctance to hold Peanut's hand! Thank you, Gem!!!!! As soon as I read your comment I remembered reading about not holding my hubby's hand or kissing him in public in Thailand. Then I read her link and more, coming to the conclusion it must be a factor. I will admit I am surprised it would be stressed to one so young, but I know they were often out performing in shows, etc...


I myself have been struggling the last few days...ok, probably the last week, feeling down. Not too sure why, my long awaited son is home! Not sure if it is the let down from the last 20 months or what. I don't feel like there should be a let down as I have my son here, I have my 3 kiddos together.

Two times today I have been FILLED with a wonderful burst of "blessings". I have no other word for it. I have walked away from an interaction with my 3 munchkins, feeling like my heart is literally being filled and the same 2 words pop into my head at that moment. GOD and BLESSED

Two times, same feeling, same words.

I am so thankful God is willing to use a God for Dummies approach with me!! I finally get it God, thanks! I AM so blessed. I think I will post-it-note it all over the house. :))

I pray you are all feeling blessed tonight!

Love, Megan

2 weeks

We have been home for 2 weeks. Unbelievable! In some ways I feel like we were never in Thailand. Like it was a dream. Except for the fact I have 3 kiddos now! LOL

I loved being in Thailand, for the most part. I will admit by the end I was ready to be around people who could understand me and whom I could understand. I feel so terrible thinking, let alone writing that down, but I am human. And I am committed to laying it all out for other families journeying down this path.

What makes me feel terrible is the fact that Jet is now in that situation. And he can't go get on a plane back to what is familiar. Frankly, the poor kid can't even tell anyone if he wants to!!

He hears us talking, alot. We are a talkative family. And he is understanding more and more. But I do remember how tiring it was trying to understand and be understood. I had an end in sight, I knew my uncomfortableness was short term. I also had my husband with me who did understand me (even if he doesn't want to ;))

I wonder what Jet is thinking. I wonder if he is tired of not being understood or of understanding us. I see him at times trying to say something to me, if I don't understand the first time, he is reluctant to keep trying. I was NOT good at understanding Thai's in Thailand at all. Papa could understand them much better than me. Papa has gone back to work though. So Jet is stuck with me. He doesn't get mad, I just feel bad.

It makes me appreciate his resilience and determination even more.


I learned a few things today!

1) A shopping trip is a wonderful opportunity for English lessons! We went to Walmart and I believe I heard my favorite Thai-accented Mama about 100 times as Jet wanted to know the name of everything! We have stayed close to home so this was our first adventure out in the overloaded America we are. I notice alot more myself, like the fact one whole aisle is dedicated to pens and notebooks. Do we truly NEED that many choices? Shameful, IMO.

2) I so totally have no idea what I was thinking when I went to the grocery store with 3 children!! For our first real outing, with a HUGE list for groceries and another list for the other side of the store!! I had not been to the store since well before we went to Thailand and since I have been sick since we returned, Papa had gone to the store. Add in the "100 times Mama" and I am EXHAUSTED tonight. And I will not be doing that again anytime soon!

3) Jet has a big issue with holding Peanut's hand! I knew it was a problem before, but he has never really liked holding anyone's hand. I have seen him hold Bug's hand recently on his own, though. So today I needed him to hold Peanut's hand in the store. Bug is a dreamer and I wasn't sure I could count on him to pay enough attention to me and Jet. Jet was not being cooperative and I was letting him know how important it was. He was in tears over it. Obviously something we need to try and figure out, a much bigger deal than we thought.


Things are going well. I am finally almost over my cold and will be posting more frequently! I promise!