Jet

Jet's vocabulary is astounding! He is able to use sentences and understands so many things you tell him. He started saying "hey" about 50 times an hour, so at dinner tonight when he said it again, I made a comment. I somewhat seriously and somewhat teasingly mentioned we needed to work on not saying "hey" so much. I really wasn't sure if he would completely understand me. A couple of minutes later he is in the middle of a sentence and says "hey", then claps his hand over his mouth, giggles and says "sorry"! We all busted out laughing, but he got it!

Some of our more fun word mishaps--

"Mama, here's milk!" Shouted to me from the foyer while he had been playing outside. Took me a minute.....it was the mail!!

His arms in a muscleman pose after moving something--"MUSTARD" with lots of pride in his voice!! After a moment of confusion--MUSCLES!!

The wonder Jet shows for all things continues to keep us all more wonder-filled. It makes you stop and smell the flowers so much more and remember to thank God for all the many blessings in your life. I was running to our grocery store recently with Peanut and Jet. I was not looking forward to the trip and as I pulled into the parking lot, Jet lets out this "AWESOME". He was so excited to be going there!

It is so fun to hear "awesome" in a Thai accent! It is another favorite word. Bug says it alot so now Jet does too.

Foods Jet didn't like before are now enjoyed, some of them. Mac and Cheese is good as is oatmeal. Peanut butter is still not. He really enjoys helping in the kitchen. Actually he likes to help everywhere. He voluntarily comes up and asks if he can help quite often with many tasks.

He is rather proud of the fact he is no longer freezing cold all the time! Just wait till our winters come, sweetie!!

We have days of struggle, sadness was very evident a day or two ago. Even Peanut came up to me and said she thought he seemed sad. I used our Thai book to show him the word sad. I was saddened by the fact he didn't know the word sad in Thai. But he needs to know it in English? We just keep loving each other.

In the mail today we received about 40 or so Thai/English books I had ordered. I wish I could have captured the smile on his face when I showed him the books! He was so excited and so proud tonight when he read the bedtime story to Peanut and Bug. I love to sit and listen to him speak in Thai.

I realized something while listening. He speaks in this quiet gentle voice. We thought he was shy with his voice and his English and had been asking him to speak louder. Why is it we are so loud? I am going to work on the other 4 of us being quieter and more gentle in our sounds. It sounds so much nicer!

Jet no longer sucks his thumbs at night. His sores are gone. Quite honestly, that happened rather quickly, I am so amazed. A good sign of attachment!!

We are so thrilled Jet is home! We are very blessed to have this boy as our son and thank God he is home where he belongs!!

"Only" American

One of the many facets of adoption I have spent time thinking about is the name given to international adoptees. This 4th of July gave cause for me to think and re-think my position on this subject.

Korean-American, Thai-American, Chinese-American.......

Our first 2 munchkins were born in S. Korea and were placed in our arms at 4.5 and 5 months. Our children have tan skin, almond shaped eyes and jet black hair. They are Americans. They have been raised Americans, even though we incorporate their Korean culture into our lives. We live in America. I have not understood the need for one to say Korean-American, etc... We are all American citizens, regardless of our nationality, and I have felt it is something that actually works to divide us as a people. We have chosen to live in the United States of America as Americans. It simply feels like a division, showing and creating a difference where it doesn't seem necessary to have one.

I mean, our children are Asian. Papa and I are not. Papa has black hair and olive colored skin but me? Not so much. In fact, I am a glow-in-the-dark kind of white gal! It is fairly evident upon seeing us as a family we are multiracial. Yet why must there be that separation? They are OUR children, our sons and daughter. They simply could not be more ours had they come from my womb. We became family and each of them an American citizen when a judge declared it so. (Really it was before that but you know what I mean!)

I do not mean this to say it is not important they were born in S. Korea. I do not have any desire to deny their start in life. We discuss their birth country, birth family, customs and traditions of S. Korea. Our munchkins celebrate all 5 of our nationalities with art like this:


(For your reference, 2 S. Korea flags, 1 Thailand, 1 German and 1 Poland flag)

I end up feeling like we are being asked to separate our children from us by stating the rather obvious Asian-American or Korean-American. There are so many moments and times we have to differentiate our relationship to our children because they are adopted. I don't feel it necessary to add to it.

It is Jet's situation that made me start thinking about this conundrum.

He lived a Thai life for a little over 8 years. 8 years. He experienced the culture, food, Buddhism, traditions.....He speaks, reads and writes Thai. He has piles of pictures from his first 8 years in Thailand. His friends and caretakers were all Thai. All of them "like" him.

By saying he is an American instead of Thai-American does that "remove" the Thai life from him. Would we be saying his first 8 years living in Thailand weren't important? Yet he is OUR son. He will become an American citizen in just a few short months. Could we be saying to him "you aren't a full American" by including the Thai?

As a parent, we want to do the best for our children. Adoption adds an extra element of circumstances where you feel the need to proceed with caution. Each child is different in the way they will connect with their birth country and what it means for them.

It feels like we live in a world where everyone struggles to be "better", noticed, more important than the next person. That can only cause division and conflict.

It seems to me like it should be really pretty simple. We are Americans living together in the United States of America.

One nation. Under God.

We are all blessed to live in a country where we are free to live our life, incorporating our nationalities, beliefs, customs and traditions. God bless the U.S.A.!!

Some may agree and some may disagree with my views. Please respect that and be kind in the comments. I do appreciate good healthy discussions that makes one think.

1st Post placement

TWO MONTHS have flown by!!!!!!! Can you even believe we had our first of 3 visits? We LOVE our social worker! We have literally known her for 9 years. She has done all 3 of our home studies and post placement visits. Papa and I were talking today afterward saying we can't imagine doing this with another SW'er! We decided we will have to ask her if she is up for another go around if we are!! She is amazing!

Now, if you don't know the story, this dear woman had to do our HS quite a few times to get it all Hague approved. And they went over it with a FINE tooth comb since we were WACAP's first Hague family for Thailand and second total!


Here is a pic of our SW'er with Peanut at her first post placement visit May 2001. Sorry about the quality, it is a scanned in picture! Peanut is not quite 5 months here!

Doesn't she look loke someone who LOVES her job!! May God bless you, BP, for all the children you have helped over the years!!

Most adventurous?

Papa had to do a bio bit about himself at work this week to present on a teleconference. I haven't seen it, however I did email him some pics at work one night to use. One was of the 3 kids.

This teleconference included people from all over the country. It was well received. The last category to respond to was "tell us something no one would know about you". One of Papa's unknown facts was he had traveled to Thailand to bring home his son.

The director was making comments to Papa and asked him what he thought most adventurous about the trip.

Well, let's see........

We went to Thailand. Well, it is a global company, though many at his site have never even flown in an airplane. So no that's not it....

We went to Thailand, a place with beautiful beaches. True, but we weren't able to GO to the beach so best not to use that one.......

We live in the rural midwest. In a town of 130,000, the biggest town in the state. Enough said! But adventurous??

We don't speak Thai, culture shock, food changes.... Potentially overwhelming but most adventurous?

Oh, wait.....

We flew to Thailand and came home with an 8 year old son! Yes, THAT must be it, definitely most adventurous part!!

Neither one of us can imagine what else would be an answer to that question! I mean he DID have a picture of the kids!! LOL

Our Struggles

Wow, does time fly!

Our struggles here come and go. Each day brings new experiences for everyone. We have been spending alot of time working on individual relationships.

Peanut and Bug have never been very competitive with each other. It is something we worked hard at, like we play games to have fun with each other, not just to win. They have never been the type to challenge each other alot or to constantly struggle to be first.

It creates a different environment when there is a strong desire/need to be first or to always be looking to be the winner. I feel the atmosphere becomes more tense and that became hard for Peanut, Bug and myself. We all started to crack.

I will admit I did not anticipate not being first to be an issue. Jet came from an orphanage. He could not have been the first every time! Jet also struggles with a need for personal space that I didn't see as a problem because of living in an orphanage. It is a two-fold though, because he doesn't have a problem with invading YOUR personal space but prefers to have his own personal space left alone.

Bug is a very laid back kid. He has struggled more than I anticipated from the changes. Mostly from having to share his sister. He did start last week to be very bothered by the fact he was always last. Jet and Peanut were getting along well and would forget to include him.

Peanut has been an incredible big sister to Jet. She has been forgiving, helpful, generous and patient. Last week she momentarily lost her ability to tolerate all when the increased language skills brought out some not so nice words. Peanut is a spirited child who reacts dramatically to most everything. Fortunately, she only shared her thoughts with me, not in front of Jet or Bug.

Jet is at the stage with vocabulary where he understands alot, is able to communicate most things but lacks the names of the feelings or has a hard time using his words when he is upset. We have had more emotions from Jet in the last 2 weeks than we have had in the last 9+ weeks. More personality, more crying, more smiles, more frustrations, more sadness.......

Papa and I have spent time re-evaluating the needs of each member and of the family. We have purposely set up scenarios to address the above situations. Our focus till now has been on our family of five as a whole. Now we are trying to break it down as well into smaller relationships. We continue to keep our world small, though Jet does much better when we do go out. He is still often like a deer in the headlights. Not surprisingly.

We are having more days where the laughter and giggles out-numbers the crying. Thank you, God!!

Learning, loving and growing as a family of five!!

Thailand Memories

We have had some growing pains today in our status as a family of five. Many members cried a few times. Too tired to blog about it. So I am going to share some fun memories from Thailand. Hope you enjoy!

These were a fruit Jet picked out at the Seafood Market. They were opened and served to us like this! We had no idea what they were. But we tried them and they are SO good! Even anti-fruit eating Papa liked them! YUM

Here is the little step I fell down. Not the 2 BIG steps, just the little one. And yes, I fell down it, all 2 inches of it!!

Jet liked taking pictures. It was an icebreaker for us the first day at the orphanage. He took pics of everything. Including Tom and Jerry in Thai! On the T.V.

Papa's dinner included this huge shrimp, eyes and all, laying right in the middle. In true tourist fashion he had me take a picture! Thankfully, it was not alive! That was a different restaurant!

My singer, songwriter, guitar playing husband did indeed hunt down a guitar store in Bangkok. And yes, it is true, he "abandoned" me and the child who did not like me......

.....to go visit the store, chat with the store owner's son, drool over the guitars (whew, none were left handed!) and take pics of his outing!! In typical tourist fashion!

Another dorky touristy picture of Papa with the coolest. biggest, most disgusting tasting drink ever!

The heat even sends the dogs inside there!

And a final one taken at home. 3 is STILL my new favorite number! (New sandals for summer!)

Hope you all are having a good evening! I am off to give myself a pedicure while munching a cookie or two. Blessings~

Explosion!

Of language, that is!!

This past Sunday it was like a switch was flipped and Jet has started talking ALOT. I liken it to a baby then toddler all in 8 weeks. He didn't talk much at all in the beginning, mostly listening, taking it all in. Then he moved to a few words, repeating words you said, definitely feeling self conscience of the sound coming out of his mouth. He would giggle after many words and spoke very softly.

A week or two ago Jet started putting 2-3 words together occasionally especially when prompted. His voice was growing stronger. He had the ability since he has been saying prayers with us at meals since Thailand and night time prayers for at least 4 weeks!

On Sunday all 3 kids were making Father's Day cards for their Papa and their Grandpas. I had seen Jet making one for Boppa (my Dad) and knew there was one for Papa. At one point he came downstairs to show me, indicating one for Papa and one for Grandpa E. I asked him where Boppa's card was. He said oh and ran upstairs.

About 5 minutes later Jet came back down and repeated the one for Papa and Grandpa E thing. I persisted about Boppa's since we were about to leave to go there. I told him to go up and ask Peanut where it was because she had seen him make it. He looked at me for a minute. Then his answer went something like this:

Jet asked Peanut where Boppa card; Peanut doesn't know; Peanut said ask Mama

And we are off to the races!!!!!!!!

He has been having more conversations like this everyday since!

I am so completely amazed at his receptive language as well. He truly understands SO many things. Yesterday I mentioned to him something was under the table and he knew right away to look UNDER the table. My Mom was giving a direction to me of something tricky to do not being very direct since it was to me and he completely understood her!

I am in awe of his determination. He will persist with me if I say something, I can see it in his face, trying to figure it out. Then if I can tell he isn't sure I will start to mime, gesture and then the ah haa moment comes. It is so fun to see!!

8 weeks yesterday!! We have been home for 8 weeks!

I love you's and Kisses

I had a different post planned for today. But then something happened that just had to be shared first!!

There are 2 things you need to remember to go with this story. We are an affectionate family and that has been an adjustment for Jet. And he has not always been very fond of me. (Putting it nicely!)

Peanut and Bug are huge huggers and kissers, with each other and with us parents. It has been a slightly uncomfortable thing for Jet. He has grimaced his way through some and I have had to encourage Peanut and Bug to give him some space at times. I have strongly believed seeing Peanut and Bug interact with each other and me has been really good for Jet.

At this point in time, Jet has hugged me, snuggled, allowed me to kiss him, bless him and has said I love you in return. I love you has been said as a repetitive thing, not necessarily understanding the meaning and emotion.

This morning I had the children gathered around me while I was slathering them in sunscreen. While waiting his turn, Bug was giving many kisses to my arm and cheek. Jet was getting the sunscreen applied so he had a good view of Bug's affection. I turned to Bug so my lips got his lips to surprise him once. Jet giggled. It was then Bug's turn for sunscreen.

Much to my amazement Jet started kissing my arm, kissed my cheek then moved his face in front of mine. Then he kissed me on the lips!! With only a little giggle following. WOW

Later in the day we were outside playing in the pool. Jet came up to, goggles and all, wrapped his arms around me, saying "I love you, Mama". Looking right at me.....through blue goggles....but looking right at me! This was completely on his own. Neither of his siblings had just been doing or saying that nor had I just said it!! WOW

Two times my breath was taken away and I had to fight for composure. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

This boy keeps stealing my heart a little more each day.

Fathers

I have spent the day thinking about fathers. Many different kinds of fathers. Naturally, the fathers who have children they are raising or have raised come to mind. I thought about the fathers who have created life only to experience a miscarriage or death prior to birth. From our own experiences I also consider the fathers who are struggling through infertility. Each month is like a silent miscarriage. It has always been very special for me when others include women who have suffered miscarriages and/or infertility when describing a mother. The same goes with a father for me.

This year I spent more time thinking about my childrens birth fathers. In most conversations birth mothers are more often referred to. In the face of raising 2 sons now, the birth father comes to mind more. My sons will have their father, grandfathers and uncles as examples. I watched Jet today in church sitting next to his uncle, imitating his every move, the exact fold of his hands, his stance. So impressionable. One day an explanation of the role their birth father played will be needed. How will that impact my boys?

Our children come with very little information about their birth parents. Particularly the birth father. I wonder if the birth father even knows he/she exists. Would he want to know? Would he have played a part in raising his child? Is he a father? What kind of an example would he be? Would our children be better off being raised as some say with family of the same race?

My faith tells me when we die we will see everything from our past. Will they be surprised to know they have a son or daughter? How will they feel? I think of so many emotions that could be involved. Regret, anger, guilt, sadness....it leaves me speechless and heartbroken.

Our children are beautiful beings, inside and out. (I DO realize I am prejuidice!) It is unthinkable to me that their birth parents and extended family don't have an opportunity to know them. Yet it is because of that situation we are allowed the privilege of being their parents. Without which there would be no Father's Day for Papa.

In the end I can only offer it all up to my heavenly Father. I pray for all fathers everywhere and thank God He has made my hubby a father.

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him Father! ---Lydia M. Child

Blessed indeed!

Happy Father's Day, Papa!! I am so thankful you are the father of our children. We ALL love you.

Books, books and more books

We love to read in our house. Lots of books can be found here and there around the house. While in Thailand one tidbit we learned about Jet was that he loves to read. Go figure......isn't God amazing!?!!

I wasn't prepared for as advanced a child as Jet is so I have no Thai reading for him. Unless you count the 2 comic books we bought in Thailand, having no idea what they were even about!!

A couple of weeks ago I was searching online and found this website with Veggie Tales personalized books!! We like the Veggie Tales stories alot. They use your child's name as the hero in the story. I know there was at least one specific for a Thai boy. And they are in Thai! I can't wait for his birthday or Christmas to get him one!!

I couldn't find any other sites, in English, where I could get children's books in Thai. I was very disappointed....until last night! When I was searching for the Thai 1000 words book, I came across buythaibooks and they have many choices of children's books written in English and Thai. I was so excited and even more so when I came across the Bible Stories available. Both Thai and English in the same book!! YAHOOO!!

Then it got even better if you can believe it! While looking at the choices available at buythaibooks I noted you could go to another website of theirs and HEAR the stories on the internet in Thai. There is a listing of Aesop's Fables to choose from as well as another page of children's stories available to have read to you by a native Thai. So crazy cool!!!!!!!

So tonight we had Pad Thai for dinner and heard A Bell on the Cat's Neck (in Thai) for our bedtime story. Jet was shocked when the Thai started coming out of the computer. It was awesome to see his face! Peanut and Bug were not too thrilled with a bedtime story they couldn't understand. Ummm, yeah, that has been your brother's life for the last 6 weeks! What a teaching lesson that was!!!

Enjoy checking it all out!! Off to shop myself!!