Why??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgxVIB2WuHU

Why? Why?? Why would someone consider making a movie about orphans, depicting such ugly things on CHILDREN who have already suffered huge losses in their little lives.

How is Hollywood accepting such trash when it is so "popular" to adopt among the stars? Is it different because they are adopting babies or toddlers? Or different because it would never happen to them? They could never have a child who has been hurt so badly by others in their life, they are no longer able to "feel".

I am now not just an adoptive Mom, I am the mom to an 8 year old who joined our family about 2 1/2 months ago. MONTHS. He was over 8 when he came home. The child depicted in this movie is 9 years old. I am outraged to say the least.

I am so angry with a society that would allow movie makers to even THINK a movie such as this one would be profitable. We should be making Warner Bros very aware of how deplorable this movie is to all. Each and every member of our families should be outraged for their nieces, nephews, cousins, grandkids, kids, children who are adopted. All the people party to the making of this movie should be bombarded with mail from the adoptive community.

Truly it is trash, even if you aren't personally touched by adoption. There aren't many people nowadays NOT touched by adoption personally. So you might say it is more common place/acceptable to adopt so the movie is "no biggie". So NOT true!

Infant adoption is much more acceptable today. Toddler adoption is starting to be more commonplace but older child adoption is still filled with horror stories. The few you can find. It happens rarely and is talked about even less. This movie will sure change that! All the negative stereotypes will be rearing their ugly heads squashing any positive voices that are trying to cry out for these children.

I love adoption. I wouldn't be a mother without it.

Thanks be to God, I am now a strong advocate for older child adoption.

I have been to the orphanage. I have seen a few of the 143 million orphans searching for a home. I have had them reach out and clutch my arm, shirt, purse, as soon as I get close enough. So happy to see and touch a fellow friend's new mom. Not even their Mom, another child's mom. I have looked at a group of 36 cottage mates standing before me, smiling and giggling, wiggling with excitement. As I silently count them, the math makes me even sadder. See, I know only 59 children came HOME to their families in the US in 2008 from Thailand. I know there are other countries involved but it still leaves alot of numbers behind. Except it isn't numbers to me. It is faces and eyes.

These are the faces being hurt again by such a film being produced and shown. To prejudice a society against considering giving these children a family.

Please watch the trailer as seen. It opens tomorrow, July 24th. Please please consider boycotting Warner Bros. And let them and all those involved in this film know your feelings.

Not attending the film isn't enough. More must be done.

For the children left behind. The faces I will NEVER forget.

Inspiring Grace

We were out shopping the other day and Peanut announces to me she loves telling people about her brother. Her new brother. I asked her why. (Isn't it great to be able to turn that one on them after answering why a million times when they were younger!!)

She said it is inspiring. She wants to inspire people. So more kiddos have a family. Because there are some million (143 million) orphans in the world. And less than 5% over the age of 5 will be adopted. And that's not right.

Be inspired. I am.

Peanut with much loved Great Grandma

All in a heartbeat

I believe it is crucial for babies to be just that, a baby. To be loved, cherished, cared for, picked up when crying, consoled, held for a bottle, rocked, hugged, snuggled, kissed. To experience that gentle touch, soft body to snuggle, close feeling of being held, soft blanket to hold, things that are familiar. Things that create security and allow an infant/toddler to be calm, feel loved and safe.

Did you know a newborn baby knows their Mother's heartbeat from being in the womb and is comforted by that same heartbeat on the outside of the womb? But if an adoption plan is made for them, they never hear that familiar heartbeat again. Instead they hear a different heartbeat, or two or three or a different heartbeat each time they are picked up.

One of my munchkins had the birth mother's heartbeat, first foster mother, hospital nurse heartbeats for a week, second foster mother, travel escort and then me. All in a matter of 5 months.

Jet missed the first eight years of "normal" infant/toddler experiences. That sense of security and familiarity. That is alot of different heartbeats.

I had gone through 2 infant adoptions without much knowledge of the attachment part. Nine years ago very little was shared or talked about related to attachment in adoption, particularly in infant adoption. What a shame that was and continues to be, with such a small focus on the losses infants experience. I know now the mistakes made with our first child and the consequences there are for that lack of knowledge. I was very determined to do what I could to set Jet off on the right foot.

Allowing him to be my baby/toddler in as many ways as possible was what I set out to do.

Most suggestions I read about in books were targeted for the toddler adoptions. If my son wanted to lay in my arms and have a bottle that would have been fine, however with a 6 and 8 year old in the home, I couldn't imagine the new 8 year old would even think about it.

I knew we would snuggle, I would hold him in the crook of my arm like I did my babies and still do with Peanut and Bug, I would sing to him, I would apply lotion for the touch, I would find opportunities to feed him, ensure we were the only ones to offer food for a long time, keep him close by, help him with daily skills even if he could do them on his own.

But I felt like something more tangible was needed. Something that would always be there to remind him he WAS able to experience baby/toddler time with his mom and dad. To heal that loss he had experienced. Peanut and Bug are both still blankie kids so I got Jet a baby blanket. We took it to Thailand with us so he would have it from the start.

As a side note, I was very bothered by the idea we would be leaving even the clothes he had on at the orphanage. I knew it was very important to have that one familiar thing and to not wash the clothes right away so they could have the familiar smell as well. I thought the blanket could serve for both. As it turns out, he did not have to change his clothes.

I had the blanket ready for the first night and made sure it was with him every night since then. He showed no real interest in it until about 2 weeks ago. Then boom! His baby blanket has become very important to him and goes all around the house. He asks to take it in the car with us, reads with it and snuggles it at night. I quite frankly have yet to wash it either!

I am so thankful he has taken to the blanket and I feel it is playing a small role in his healing the past losses he has experienced. I would highly recommend using something like this if adopting an older child!

Jet

Jet's vocabulary is astounding! He is able to use sentences and understands so many things you tell him. He started saying "hey" about 50 times an hour, so at dinner tonight when he said it again, I made a comment. I somewhat seriously and somewhat teasingly mentioned we needed to work on not saying "hey" so much. I really wasn't sure if he would completely understand me. A couple of minutes later he is in the middle of a sentence and says "hey", then claps his hand over his mouth, giggles and says "sorry"! We all busted out laughing, but he got it!

Some of our more fun word mishaps--

"Mama, here's milk!" Shouted to me from the foyer while he had been playing outside. Took me a minute.....it was the mail!!

His arms in a muscleman pose after moving something--"MUSTARD" with lots of pride in his voice!! After a moment of confusion--MUSCLES!!

The wonder Jet shows for all things continues to keep us all more wonder-filled. It makes you stop and smell the flowers so much more and remember to thank God for all the many blessings in your life. I was running to our grocery store recently with Peanut and Jet. I was not looking forward to the trip and as I pulled into the parking lot, Jet lets out this "AWESOME". He was so excited to be going there!

It is so fun to hear "awesome" in a Thai accent! It is another favorite word. Bug says it alot so now Jet does too.

Foods Jet didn't like before are now enjoyed, some of them. Mac and Cheese is good as is oatmeal. Peanut butter is still not. He really enjoys helping in the kitchen. Actually he likes to help everywhere. He voluntarily comes up and asks if he can help quite often with many tasks.

He is rather proud of the fact he is no longer freezing cold all the time! Just wait till our winters come, sweetie!!

We have days of struggle, sadness was very evident a day or two ago. Even Peanut came up to me and said she thought he seemed sad. I used our Thai book to show him the word sad. I was saddened by the fact he didn't know the word sad in Thai. But he needs to know it in English? We just keep loving each other.

In the mail today we received about 40 or so Thai/English books I had ordered. I wish I could have captured the smile on his face when I showed him the books! He was so excited and so proud tonight when he read the bedtime story to Peanut and Bug. I love to sit and listen to him speak in Thai.

I realized something while listening. He speaks in this quiet gentle voice. We thought he was shy with his voice and his English and had been asking him to speak louder. Why is it we are so loud? I am going to work on the other 4 of us being quieter and more gentle in our sounds. It sounds so much nicer!

Jet no longer sucks his thumbs at night. His sores are gone. Quite honestly, that happened rather quickly, I am so amazed. A good sign of attachment!!

We are so thrilled Jet is home! We are very blessed to have this boy as our son and thank God he is home where he belongs!!

"Only" American

One of the many facets of adoption I have spent time thinking about is the name given to international adoptees. This 4th of July gave cause for me to think and re-think my position on this subject.

Korean-American, Thai-American, Chinese-American.......

Our first 2 munchkins were born in S. Korea and were placed in our arms at 4.5 and 5 months. Our children have tan skin, almond shaped eyes and jet black hair. They are Americans. They have been raised Americans, even though we incorporate their Korean culture into our lives. We live in America. I have not understood the need for one to say Korean-American, etc... We are all American citizens, regardless of our nationality, and I have felt it is something that actually works to divide us as a people. We have chosen to live in the United States of America as Americans. It simply feels like a division, showing and creating a difference where it doesn't seem necessary to have one.

I mean, our children are Asian. Papa and I are not. Papa has black hair and olive colored skin but me? Not so much. In fact, I am a glow-in-the-dark kind of white gal! It is fairly evident upon seeing us as a family we are multiracial. Yet why must there be that separation? They are OUR children, our sons and daughter. They simply could not be more ours had they come from my womb. We became family and each of them an American citizen when a judge declared it so. (Really it was before that but you know what I mean!)

I do not mean this to say it is not important they were born in S. Korea. I do not have any desire to deny their start in life. We discuss their birth country, birth family, customs and traditions of S. Korea. Our munchkins celebrate all 5 of our nationalities with art like this:


(For your reference, 2 S. Korea flags, 1 Thailand, 1 German and 1 Poland flag)

I end up feeling like we are being asked to separate our children from us by stating the rather obvious Asian-American or Korean-American. There are so many moments and times we have to differentiate our relationship to our children because they are adopted. I don't feel it necessary to add to it.

It is Jet's situation that made me start thinking about this conundrum.

He lived a Thai life for a little over 8 years. 8 years. He experienced the culture, food, Buddhism, traditions.....He speaks, reads and writes Thai. He has piles of pictures from his first 8 years in Thailand. His friends and caretakers were all Thai. All of them "like" him.

By saying he is an American instead of Thai-American does that "remove" the Thai life from him. Would we be saying his first 8 years living in Thailand weren't important? Yet he is OUR son. He will become an American citizen in just a few short months. Could we be saying to him "you aren't a full American" by including the Thai?

As a parent, we want to do the best for our children. Adoption adds an extra element of circumstances where you feel the need to proceed with caution. Each child is different in the way they will connect with their birth country and what it means for them.

It feels like we live in a world where everyone struggles to be "better", noticed, more important than the next person. That can only cause division and conflict.

It seems to me like it should be really pretty simple. We are Americans living together in the United States of America.

One nation. Under God.

We are all blessed to live in a country where we are free to live our life, incorporating our nationalities, beliefs, customs and traditions. God bless the U.S.A.!!

Some may agree and some may disagree with my views. Please respect that and be kind in the comments. I do appreciate good healthy discussions that makes one think.

1st Post placement

TWO MONTHS have flown by!!!!!!! Can you even believe we had our first of 3 visits? We LOVE our social worker! We have literally known her for 9 years. She has done all 3 of our home studies and post placement visits. Papa and I were talking today afterward saying we can't imagine doing this with another SW'er! We decided we will have to ask her if she is up for another go around if we are!! She is amazing!

Now, if you don't know the story, this dear woman had to do our HS quite a few times to get it all Hague approved. And they went over it with a FINE tooth comb since we were WACAP's first Hague family for Thailand and second total!


Here is a pic of our SW'er with Peanut at her first post placement visit May 2001. Sorry about the quality, it is a scanned in picture! Peanut is not quite 5 months here!

Doesn't she look loke someone who LOVES her job!! May God bless you, BP, for all the children you have helped over the years!!

Most adventurous?

Papa had to do a bio bit about himself at work this week to present on a teleconference. I haven't seen it, however I did email him some pics at work one night to use. One was of the 3 kids.

This teleconference included people from all over the country. It was well received. The last category to respond to was "tell us something no one would know about you". One of Papa's unknown facts was he had traveled to Thailand to bring home his son.

The director was making comments to Papa and asked him what he thought most adventurous about the trip.

Well, let's see........

We went to Thailand. Well, it is a global company, though many at his site have never even flown in an airplane. So no that's not it....

We went to Thailand, a place with beautiful beaches. True, but we weren't able to GO to the beach so best not to use that one.......

We live in the rural midwest. In a town of 130,000, the biggest town in the state. Enough said! But adventurous??

We don't speak Thai, culture shock, food changes.... Potentially overwhelming but most adventurous?

Oh, wait.....

We flew to Thailand and came home with an 8 year old son! Yes, THAT must be it, definitely most adventurous part!!

Neither one of us can imagine what else would be an answer to that question! I mean he DID have a picture of the kids!! LOL

Our Struggles

Wow, does time fly!

Our struggles here come and go. Each day brings new experiences for everyone. We have been spending alot of time working on individual relationships.

Peanut and Bug have never been very competitive with each other. It is something we worked hard at, like we play games to have fun with each other, not just to win. They have never been the type to challenge each other alot or to constantly struggle to be first.

It creates a different environment when there is a strong desire/need to be first or to always be looking to be the winner. I feel the atmosphere becomes more tense and that became hard for Peanut, Bug and myself. We all started to crack.

I will admit I did not anticipate not being first to be an issue. Jet came from an orphanage. He could not have been the first every time! Jet also struggles with a need for personal space that I didn't see as a problem because of living in an orphanage. It is a two-fold though, because he doesn't have a problem with invading YOUR personal space but prefers to have his own personal space left alone.

Bug is a very laid back kid. He has struggled more than I anticipated from the changes. Mostly from having to share his sister. He did start last week to be very bothered by the fact he was always last. Jet and Peanut were getting along well and would forget to include him.

Peanut has been an incredible big sister to Jet. She has been forgiving, helpful, generous and patient. Last week she momentarily lost her ability to tolerate all when the increased language skills brought out some not so nice words. Peanut is a spirited child who reacts dramatically to most everything. Fortunately, she only shared her thoughts with me, not in front of Jet or Bug.

Jet is at the stage with vocabulary where he understands alot, is able to communicate most things but lacks the names of the feelings or has a hard time using his words when he is upset. We have had more emotions from Jet in the last 2 weeks than we have had in the last 9+ weeks. More personality, more crying, more smiles, more frustrations, more sadness.......

Papa and I have spent time re-evaluating the needs of each member and of the family. We have purposely set up scenarios to address the above situations. Our focus till now has been on our family of five as a whole. Now we are trying to break it down as well into smaller relationships. We continue to keep our world small, though Jet does much better when we do go out. He is still often like a deer in the headlights. Not surprisingly.

We are having more days where the laughter and giggles out-numbers the crying. Thank you, God!!

Learning, loving and growing as a family of five!!

Thailand Memories

We have had some growing pains today in our status as a family of five. Many members cried a few times. Too tired to blog about it. So I am going to share some fun memories from Thailand. Hope you enjoy!

These were a fruit Jet picked out at the Seafood Market. They were opened and served to us like this! We had no idea what they were. But we tried them and they are SO good! Even anti-fruit eating Papa liked them! YUM

Here is the little step I fell down. Not the 2 BIG steps, just the little one. And yes, I fell down it, all 2 inches of it!!

Jet liked taking pictures. It was an icebreaker for us the first day at the orphanage. He took pics of everything. Including Tom and Jerry in Thai! On the T.V.

Papa's dinner included this huge shrimp, eyes and all, laying right in the middle. In true tourist fashion he had me take a picture! Thankfully, it was not alive! That was a different restaurant!

My singer, songwriter, guitar playing husband did indeed hunt down a guitar store in Bangkok. And yes, it is true, he "abandoned" me and the child who did not like me......

.....to go visit the store, chat with the store owner's son, drool over the guitars (whew, none were left handed!) and take pics of his outing!! In typical tourist fashion!

Another dorky touristy picture of Papa with the coolest. biggest, most disgusting tasting drink ever!

The heat even sends the dogs inside there!

And a final one taken at home. 3 is STILL my new favorite number! (New sandals for summer!)

Hope you all are having a good evening! I am off to give myself a pedicure while munching a cookie or two. Blessings~

Explosion!

Of language, that is!!

This past Sunday it was like a switch was flipped and Jet has started talking ALOT. I liken it to a baby then toddler all in 8 weeks. He didn't talk much at all in the beginning, mostly listening, taking it all in. Then he moved to a few words, repeating words you said, definitely feeling self conscience of the sound coming out of his mouth. He would giggle after many words and spoke very softly.

A week or two ago Jet started putting 2-3 words together occasionally especially when prompted. His voice was growing stronger. He had the ability since he has been saying prayers with us at meals since Thailand and night time prayers for at least 4 weeks!

On Sunday all 3 kids were making Father's Day cards for their Papa and their Grandpas. I had seen Jet making one for Boppa (my Dad) and knew there was one for Papa. At one point he came downstairs to show me, indicating one for Papa and one for Grandpa E. I asked him where Boppa's card was. He said oh and ran upstairs.

About 5 minutes later Jet came back down and repeated the one for Papa and Grandpa E thing. I persisted about Boppa's since we were about to leave to go there. I told him to go up and ask Peanut where it was because she had seen him make it. He looked at me for a minute. Then his answer went something like this:

Jet asked Peanut where Boppa card; Peanut doesn't know; Peanut said ask Mama

And we are off to the races!!!!!!!!

He has been having more conversations like this everyday since!

I am so completely amazed at his receptive language as well. He truly understands SO many things. Yesterday I mentioned to him something was under the table and he knew right away to look UNDER the table. My Mom was giving a direction to me of something tricky to do not being very direct since it was to me and he completely understood her!

I am in awe of his determination. He will persist with me if I say something, I can see it in his face, trying to figure it out. Then if I can tell he isn't sure I will start to mime, gesture and then the ah haa moment comes. It is so fun to see!!

8 weeks yesterday!! We have been home for 8 weeks!