When I grow up....

We were playing a game tonight and Jet pointed to a picture of a boy with brown skin saying it was Bug. Then he said the boy with white skin was himself. I said that doesn't look like my boy, both of my boys look like this boy, as I pointed to the boy with brown skin.

Jet was not happy with this comment, as he whimpered his response.

He doesn't like or want brown skin.

He asked his next question with tons of hope in his voice--"Will I have white skin when I grow up"?

So sad, only one year in and he has a desire to have a different color skin. I would give anything to have the beautiful brown skin my munchkins are naturally blessed with. My other 2 have not experienced this before/yet.

I find it so interesting as this last year I have become so disillusioned living in the United States. (Not that Americans are the only "white" skin colored culture) And this impressionable aged child comes to America, sees many white people and believes that is something to strive for and desire. What is it about our culture/environment that permeates a young child's mind, creating this type of a reaction to something as basic as the color of their skin. To make him want to be white when he grows up. To be willing to "change", hope to "change" what he looked like for 8 years, what all the others he knew looked like, abandon all that for something he believes is better. He was honestly disappointed in my answer. To the point of tears starting. He is not even the darkest of our children. So why does he see it as important? And where did the notion come from?

And, most importantly, what can I do to educate, encourage, explain to him that he can and should be valued by who he is on the inside. Not by the color of his skin. And that the color of his skin does not influence how much money, food, things, success....one has.

May 11th, 2001

I am behind, please bear with my reflecting on the past month.

My Peanut came home on this day. Nine years ago, our first born child and only daughter was placed in our arms. We traveled to an airport about 3 hours away. It was a surreal experience, driving to an airport to be handed your child. This was pre-9/11 (barely) so we were able to wait at the gate and see our children's escorts getting right off the plane. An incredible experience and I am so thankful we had one child come home before 9/11 as to not miss that scene.

We had family at the airport. Her flight in was really late at night so we all stayed in a hotel. I gave in to the warnings to not let anyone else hold Peanut and regret that to this day. Very sad to say, it is my precious daughter who has paid the biggest price for that choice. Is still paying for it.

At the time we were adopting our first child through Holt, parents were not able to select gender unless they had one gender at home. We didn't so we were obviously open. It was a well known fact that more boys were available and most first time parents were blessed with a son. That knowledge, combined with the fact we knew a family in our town with the same dossier to Korea date requesting a girl, convinced us our first child would a boy.

Obviously God had other plans! And we naturally had no problem with that!!

Peanut is a loving, generous, petite, free spirited young girl who loves and hates the fact she is adopted. It is a battle that flares up frequently within her sweet soul. She longs to know Korea and recently became penpals with a young gal who is Korean. Peanut loves her family, Jesus, reading, swimming, ballet, singing, snuggling, sleeping with her bros, music, sunshine...

So many of her characteristics fit mine from when I was a child. Nicknames like Trouble, Twinkle Toes, Babbling Brook.....There is no doubt she is my daughter and I am SO very thankful to God for allowing me to raise her!!

Our butterfly whisperer

She had to squat down because the water blaster got too heavy!

A girl and her dog, Sam~we miss you, boy~

Peanut and her Godmother, my sis

Our 4 1/2 year old!

Is determined to do anything she wants!

Her first ballet recital, 5 1/2 years old