I forgot

Today as I was cooing at our 3.5 month old daycare baby, Jet says something to me about adopting a Thai baby. I wasn't sure what exactly he was referencing, whether he was saying he wanted us to adopt a Thai baby or if he wanted to when he grew up. Both of those scenarios are regular topics of discussion by our munchkins.

He starts reminding me of a baby his "mom" had in Thailand. This "mom" was a main caretaker of his and from his stories he often went home with her and helped her take care of this infant. I was not able to ascertain whether this child was adopted by her or a bio child.

Jet wistfully says he should have brought the baby with him to America for us to adopt.

He says "I forgot", all sad like.

If it were only that easy, pal. I would have come home with a plane full!

We did have a small discussion touching on the paperwork and time needed to "hop" countries. At least as much as a 9 year old with 9 months of English could handle! More importantly, we spent time chatting about friends left behind.

Advantage--Jet

Living in an orphanage has many disadvantages for our children. That is obvious and an understatement in my opinion. The past 2 weeks has shown a huge advantage Jet has over us.

He has the immune system of a buffalo!!

Peanut started it and within one week it took out me and Bug, all the while she was on an antibiotic! She still feels crummy, my head is still congested and if I talk to much my voice goes. I felt like a mac truck had run me over for about 5 days. Now it feels like it was only a mini-van.

It took over my sister's family, all 4 of them, within a little over a week's time.

This nasty bug is contagious!!

But our sweet Jet is still a sparkly eyed ball of energy! His energy brings us all to tears 'cause we feel so awful! LOL



He loves to help us sickies out so we are so thankful for his strong immune system!

(Now I hope Murphy's law doesn't bite me in the butt!!)

Jet's best friend--stuck

I have needed to write this update for awhile. I have not been able to for many reasons. Number one is the hurt it brings to my heart. Very few times in my life, thanks be to God, I have experienced a pain so deep as this one.

In a previous post, here, I asked for prayers for a family waiting for a beautiful boy who is my son's best friend. Jet's best friend was told at the same time as Jet that he had a family waiting for him in America.

That was March 2008. We brought Jet home May 2009.

It seemed there was an issue with his child history. A signature had not been gotten at the time it was needed. Now the person can't be found. This one signature seems to make the difference between adoptable or not. An orphan or not an orphan.

Papa and I are simply not able to wrap our minds around the idea that a child who has had no family since birth visit with him, spend time with him, care for him would not be considered an orphan.

The definition of orphan seems pretty clear to me.
As a noun A child who has been deprived of parental care and has not been adopted.
As an adj Deprived of parents

He has been in the care of an orphanage, taken care of by caretakers, not parents. This child has 2 people in America, parents, who wish to care for him, give him a life filled with love and attention and love him already.

Eight years abandoned in an orphanage should be MORE than enough time for a child to be considered an orphan. Something should be able to be done to note this to the authorities in charge.

Jet still talks of his best friend coming to America. He must be unsure/confused about the fact that his best friend already had a family here in America. I say this because about one week after Shawna and Mark found out the news, Jet came to me with an idea that broke my heart. He did not know anything about what was going on with his friend. He had just heard my very good friend from IL, "L" was starting the process of adopting a young boy from Thailand. We truly weren't even sure if Jet understood what we said when we told the kids. But he told me "L" should adopt ___ because then Peanut and Bug could meet him and he could help him learn English.

How do I answer that? And his limited understanding has him believing it will happen.

To make things harder to bear are the stories Jet shares about his life at the orphanage. In some ways he was very fortunate. He came home with more experiences than we never imagined a child from an orphanage would have. He went to movies, fun parks, the beach, had tried all sorts of food, rode on a motorcycle, regularly went to 7-11 and more. Yet there are also stories that caused Jet and his friend to want to go to America, where those things wouldn't happen. His words, not mine.

We still haven't told Jet. I simply do not know how to do it. Or how to try and help him understand it. Since I have so little of an understanding myself. Part of me hopes it is all a mistake. A terrible mistake, that will be used to glorify God in the end.

I have images of Jet's best friend burned in my brain. When we went back to the orphanage to visit, I focused very intently on his friend. One because I wanted to share with Shawna all I could about her son waiting for her in Thailand. Two because he was such a big part of my son's life and I wanted to KNOW this child. Knowing this child is ripping at my heart.

Shawna and Mark made the heart wrenching decision to stop pursuing a Thailand adoption and have just this weekend been blessed with an 8 year old girl through a domestic adoption!! This little girl now has a wonderful home and family! Praise God!

This has rocked my world, bringing me crashing to my knees and I am struggling to get back up. It has inspired many discussions between Papa and I. In depth, life changing discussions. We are a simple family in midwest America trying to survive the economic recession. Where we feel God leading us is way outside the realm. Please keep us in your prayers.

For now my faith gives me one thing to hold one to--this boy is in our life for one reason. For now it is to pray for him. And that we do.

A boy and his best friend.

911

Jet knows how to dial 911.

And he knows there are firemen on the other end. (ok, sort of firemen but you get the idea!)

My mom keeps her old cell phones for the grandkids to use for play. Jet is obsessed with one phone in particular because it takes pictures. He finds it when we first get there and keeps it on him at all times. Quite honestly he likes any play phone. So I have heard him play talk many times on the phone.

Mom and I are chatting, kids are playing and my dear dad was watching his neighbor plow snow for him. Jet is near us when I hear him say he is dialing 911. I don't register much except I think it is great he knows how to do that! I wasn't even sure if the phone was turned on, etc...

I think I hear a recording. But I have heard something like that before so not much thought yet. Then I notice Jet seems to be having a REALLY GOOD conversation with himself. Very smart questions he seems to be answering!

Say, Mom....do I remember right....can't you call 911 with a cell phone even if the phone isn't in service any more?

I have one ear tuned in to mom and the other listening to the conversation I am starting to desperately hope my son IS having with himself.

I must admit mom's answer took a back seat to Jet saying "here is my brother" while trying to hand Bug the phone. Telling him the fireman wants to talk to him. This is one good pretend phone call!

Bug was too busy watching Charlie Brown valentine and said no thank you.

My ears are starting to listen for the sirens.....I don't think my parents neighbors could take a second ambulance, etc coming to their house in one month!!

What was your answer, mom? No really, are you sure? Because Jet is having a conversation on the phone like I have never seen before. Are you sure?

Ok, the sirens should be coming soon.

Mom goes over and takes the phone from Jet to listen. I am fairly certain she really didn't expect to hear anything but a recording.

An FYI, in case YOU didn't know. They DO dial 911 even if no longer in service!!

Thank goodness the Thai accent in a child with stilted English helped her to NOT find it necessary to send help right away.

Or maybe it was the fact his brother was too busy watching Charlie Brown.......

'Cause I can ;))

Here are some of my favorite pics from the past year! These are from our summer fun at our friends in IL.

Following his brother's favorite pose for picture taking!

His favorite noodles! The bowl was bigger than his head!!

My Boys!!

Kob Khun Ka

In adoption, we have fewer people who understand the steps we go through. Truly. understand. A much bigger population of people share the pregnancy experience.

We have miscarriages that involve pictures, video and child history's. Our hearts break the same.

We have 9 months (or typically more) of waiting with nothing to "tell" the world we are expecting. Very little to make it real for ourselves, let alone anyone else.

We have paper pains....not labor pains. THE WHOLE TIME!! Before our child is even "conceived"!

Our child is in some other person's care, half a world away. And there is nothing we can do for them or to impact when they come home. (Except pray!)

For a portion of us, this all comes after infertility, secondary infertility and the many losses suffered during that time period.

It comes with friends and family more than likely sharing their opinions on your choices. The well meaning aunties telling us we just don't "do it" enough or other even more awkward references to the things that happen in the privacy of your bedroom!! To others who question why international, older child and "don't you want your own".

All of this to say, it is so wonderful to be connected with a group of women (and men) who truly understand. It is such a blessing to have the internet as a resource to share with others who are just like us. We may not all have the same political, religious or moral views yet we are able to share the one thing we do have in common.

The love of our children--given to us in a unique way.

I LOVE the adoption process. Yes, I do wish parts of it were different. But it is a complete high for me. Whether it be mine or someone else's. I love to be a part of it. I love to share what I have learned and learn something from someone else. I especially love the knowledge that yet another orphaned child will have a FAMILY. Family is one of Jet's most favorite words. He gets it. Really he gets what so many people in our society don't. A most fundamental basic need and how important it is to one's development.

Family is one of my favorite words too.

Kob Khun Ka for allowing me to be a part of your family and for sharing in my family's joy!

Here he is!!

Please meet our newest son-----

Peanut was in charge of the camera, she did good!

I love this picture, he looks so attentive to the judge!

The night before I was getting clothes ready for the next day. Peanut and I always struggle over her clothes so I knew I didn't want to deal with it in the morning. We had to leave by 10:15a and we had us 5 plus our 6 month and 3 month old day care babies! As we were looking in her closet here hanbok (Korean dress) popped out at us. She tried the hat on and I was looking at the dress itself thinking it looked quite generous for her. Lo and behold, it still fits her!! It is intended to be worn at your first birthday! We found a compromise, quickly I might add. So, of course the boys needed to be dressed in Asian wear as well!!

So we walked into town hall, in a town of 3100 like this....


We were 10 minutes late and the judge was sitting on the bench already. YIKES! I am fairly certain we made our poor bil a nervous wreck. And they couldn't reach us on our cell phone because we had no coverage. :)) But our judge was AWESOME!! He had actually done our other 2 adoptions and is an adoptive father himself! He included the other 2 munchkins, talking to them and having them approach the bench to sign the actual adoption decree. They felt so proud and such a part of it all. Then he gave them each a lollipop!

The 3 amigos!

We celebrated by having home made spring rolls for dinner! YUMMY!!!!! It was the first time I made them and they were so good!! Everyone loved them, that doesn't happen very often!

My favorite pic from the day....Jet with my Dad, who by the grace of God was able to be there mere weeks after a major heart attack. As you can tell by his face, Jet is a real ham! My Dad was pretending to eat his lollipop.

On the drive home I mentioned to Papa, I wonder if the judge will still be around in another 2 years.......I will just say, I liked his comment.

I am going to continue to use our nicknames for the munchkins since I hope to keep this blog and am not too sure we won't do it again. ;))

Hope you enjoyed!

Pictures tomorrow!

Finalizing tomorrow!!!! We are all very excited. It is very different going to court to finalize with an older child. Jet is very aware of what we are doing and grasps at least a portion of the importance of it. I believe it will bring him a measure of peace in his comfort level as a member of our family!

Outfits were picked out tonight! We will most definitely be making a statement!!

I will get pics up tomorrow late afternoon after my 2 daycare babies go home!

Check back!!!!!!!!!!

Our Timeline

A few people have asked about our timing for finalizing, so I thought I would mention it here! We had our last post placement visit the beginning of November. Our SW gets our reports done very quickly but somehow November slipped through our fingers. My bil is our lawyer and in order for him to do the work and not charge us, he had to spend some time convincing others in his firm to allow him to do it. We also had the (one) judge who does adoptions out of town the last 2 weeks in December!

Under normal circumstances, we could have easily made it to court in December. Our agency has been fantastic and responds very very quickly to finishing the necessary paperwork! So no hold up on that part!!

We do have a court date!! January 29th!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One week and you can see his face!!!!

Jump!

Jet got up from the table this morning saying "I am so happy to have lots of days here" followed by "I am so happy to have family" all while smiling at me.

Later in the morning, Jet came up to me and asked if he should call me Mama or Mae. I answered whatever he would like to call me. I was fairly sleepy and not completely sure Mae was the word for Mama in Thai, but I was hoping. As I was trying to process this through my sleep deprived mind, Jet stepped up to the plate and was telling me Mae was Thai for Mama. I must have had some mighty confused look on my face!!

He chose Mae.

I feel very honored to be brought into his world enough to share the name he would use if raised in Thailand. I would love to know what is going on inside his head to bring him to this point.

Adopted children have so many losses in their lives. And they live with these losses forever. It isn't something that goes away after a time of adjustment. It does get easier, God willing. It may not take front place in their life or ours. But it is there and there is no instruction book that tells us when to expect feelings from their loss to surface. Or how best to help our children and ourselves cope.

I knew about the losses or so I thought until we adopted our first older child. It has opened my eyes to so many things/areas that affect our children because they are adopted. The loss of language, smells, tastes, customs, traditions, way of raising, teaching, faith, dress, way of life, family business......

At times I am overwhelmed by the losses these little beings have had so that I could be a mother. Their mother.

Other times, I feel sadness. For them, for their birth families, for their birth country. For myself, because it is hard when their hearts ache.

Then it turns to determination. You see, I know God is putting our family together. Without a doubt His hand has been on every adoption we have gone through. The following verse has meant so much to me through my grieving our infertility and accepting the path our life has taken. It has spoken to me many times, personally.

อย่ากลัวเลย เพราะเราอยู่กับเจ้า เราจะนำเชื้อสายของเจ้ามาจากตะวันออก และเราจะรวบรวมเจ้ามาจากตะวันตก Isaiah 43, 5

I believe God knew these children were to be ours before they were even 'knitted in their birth mothers' wombs'. Through all the trials and tribulations, heartaches and struggles, I am comforted by the knowledge that God will be with me through it all. All I have to do is ask.

I am determined to do my part in raising these beautiful munchkins that have traveled half a world to make a family with me. I am determined to help them cope with their losses the best I can.

I just take a deep breath, say a quick pray.......and jump!