Saturday, May 1, 2010

Highs and lows

I wrote the first part of this post back on March 16th. Most of it was done, but I struggle with my posts being perfect and I assume I couldn't find the words to finish it. So I never did. I found it yesterday when I was going through my drafts and planned to post it today. Little did I know how appropriate that thought would be. (The second part of this post was written on Thursday)

March 16th
Today was a tough day. Tensions have been high lately, each day seeming to build a little more. I am fairly certain we hit the crescendo today.

It appears Jet has decided he doesn't feel like following rules. A bit of a 2 year old temper tantrum attitude has become more prevalent. He does his own thing and even when he is trying to help, he won't listen to any advice.

Peanut's tolerance level has reached an end. She has had to take on more responsibility due to my increased daycare combined with the fact she is a child who NEEDS the sunshine and outside time. And lets face it, not all our snow has melted yet. And today was the warmest day since last November, we maybe topped out at 46*.

They played outside for almost 2 hours!!

But at dinner tonight we were able to bring it all back to memories from when we traveled to Thailand. Cheerful, good memories. Peanut remembering how cute she thought it was when they talked to Jet on Skype. I would tell him "say hello" and he would respond "say hello"!! LOL Bug agreeing and adding how he liked to hear his voice after wondering for so long about him. The pride in Jet's voice and posture after he said "what brother" and answered his own question with "oh me"!

We are a family. Through the good times and the tough times. (I am not a fan of using the words bad times, all can be teachable moments, God can bring good if we allow Him to)

We have been heading toward that crescendo again. And within a 45 minute time frame all 3 children had a sobbing meltdown, separately.

Peanut struggles being the only girl and her brothers doing "boy" things all the time. She and Bug were inseparable and did boy and girl things together no problem. They were exceptionally close and that has changed. It very well might have changed with the ages they have turned even if Jet had not entered the scene. I am not sure how long Bug would have played Amer*can Girl or Pol*y Pockets. Though since it coincided with Jet coming home, it appears to be because of him. Jet does not like to do girlie things, surprisingly to me since he lived with quite a few girls. But most everything he was exposed to seems to be gross motor activities not gender related. And he caught on rather quickly to gender specific types, even though we don't emphasis them. Not sure how that happened. Since that was never an issue, I am often at a loss as to how to deal with the whole boy/girl play thing.

Jet has become a bit angry, more defensive in his manner. He takes most things as a slight whether intended or not. He has started talking back to the kids as well as Papa and I. We have had a few incidents of exaggerating or lying. Jet wants to make all the choices and be in charge of all situations. He doesn't have the same desire to please in doing his chores as he had before. He also seems to be having an increase in his energy level, a bit of a need for speed.

Bug is very sensitive and rather conflicted at times. He ADORES his sister and can't stand the thought he (or someone else) might have hurt her. He ADORES having a brother and all that goes along with that, like Star W*rs, Leg*s, light sabers, etc... Bug does not understand the flare for "drama" his brother and sister display. During today's situation the poor kiddo just kept repeating "I just wanted to play with the marbles and blocks" while crying.

It seems to go in waves. We have had two or so weeks of great "getting along", everybody's ideas counting, no big disagreements, good sharing, thoughtfulness to each other. Then bam! It can almost seem like we are at ground zero starting all over again. I am ever so thankful God is my constant companion and that He creates children with such incredible resilience. I appreciate their ability to forgive and forget. I can learn so much at times by watching them move past a negative situation and return to the loving relationship they share with their siblings.

It has come to my attention over the last few weeks, being a brother or sister is not a natural instinct. It needs to be more intensely taught and learned then I had anticipated. An example would be about one week ago, I was having snuggle time with Bug after the other two were in bed. An extra 15 minutes each munchkin gets for one on one time once a week. After 5 minutes, Jet comes up saying he can't sleep because Peanut was crying. I said maybe he could comfort Peanut, see if he could make her feel better. "How" he asked with this perplexed look on his face. I gave him suggestions. After Bug's 15 minutes, Peanut came up and the first thing she said was "Jet just made my year"! He comforted her! Though Peanut quickly changed it to "her day", I mean, come on, we can't make things seem too good now can we?!

I realize all the happenings in our house are natural, expected, part of the package. We have not been a family of five for even a year yet. Though we are close! But we were a family of four for 6.5 years and Jet was a child in an orphanage for 8+ years. When you compare those time frames, one MUST understand we are where we are "suppose" to be and we will continue to grow and learn. With more highs and more lows.

I strongly believe the highs and lows are what creates the strong family bond of affection. Feelings are intense, they need to be, to produce sympathy, love, unselfishness. Those things that make a family, help it to survive all trials, allow its members to be themselves and know they will always be taken care of with an unconditional love.

So bring on the highs and lows!! And let us always remember to forgive and forget.


Annie said...

Thanks again for always being open and honest about the highs and the lows. I can see that you are really thoughtful about every detail of your children's lives and I think that you are doing a great job loving, accepting, and wondering as you go. I can imagine the transition goes through phases!

Jay and Chandra and Penny Regan said...

Oh, yes! I know about the highs and lows and we only have one daughter. However, I think the teenage hormones definitely have something to do with it. She has decided that she does NOT want a sibling. I said, "Oh,you mean you wouldn't want to share your mom and dad?" She answered strongly, "NO! If you adopt another child I will HIT her!" Well, we'll definitely have to think before we would make any such plans.

rosemary said...

I just keep reminding myself that the books all say we have to mark age ( and skill levels and emotional ability to relate to people) not by our childs actual age but by the amount of time they have been in our home. That helps to give me patience in this whole crazy process. YOU ARE DOING GREAT!