May 11th, 2001

I am behind, please bear with my reflecting on the past month.

My Peanut came home on this day. Nine years ago, our first born child and only daughter was placed in our arms. We traveled to an airport about 3 hours away. It was a surreal experience, driving to an airport to be handed your child. This was pre-9/11 (barely) so we were able to wait at the gate and see our children's escorts getting right off the plane. An incredible experience and I am so thankful we had one child come home before 9/11 as to not miss that scene.

We had family at the airport. Her flight in was really late at night so we all stayed in a hotel. I gave in to the warnings to not let anyone else hold Peanut and regret that to this day. Very sad to say, it is my precious daughter who has paid the biggest price for that choice. Is still paying for it.

At the time we were adopting our first child through Holt, parents were not able to select gender unless they had one gender at home. We didn't so we were obviously open. It was a well known fact that more boys were available and most first time parents were blessed with a son. That knowledge, combined with the fact we knew a family in our town with the same dossier to Korea date requesting a girl, convinced us our first child would a boy.

Obviously God had other plans! And we naturally had no problem with that!!

Peanut is a loving, generous, petite, free spirited young girl who loves and hates the fact she is adopted. It is a battle that flares up frequently within her sweet soul. She longs to know Korea and recently became penpals with a young gal who is Korean. Peanut loves her family, Jesus, reading, swimming, ballet, singing, snuggling, sleeping with her bros, music, sunshine...

So many of her characteristics fit mine from when I was a child. Nicknames like Trouble, Twinkle Toes, Babbling Brook.....There is no doubt she is my daughter and I am SO very thankful to God for allowing me to raise her!!

Our butterfly whisperer

She had to squat down because the water blaster got too heavy!

A girl and her dog, Sam~we miss you, boy~

Peanut and her Godmother, my sis

Our 4 1/2 year old!

Is determined to do anything she wants!

Her first ballet recital, 5 1/2 years old

7 years ago

Seven years ago today, we physically became a family of four. I became ill about 2 days prior to traveling. We had Bug escorted but still had to drive 3 hours to pick him up at the airport. I was devastated to not be able to travel. But Papa bravely went forth all on his own. I was so sick, Peanut had to go stay with my mom and dad. His flight was delayed due to a snow storm in Denver where they had a lay over. He came home on St. Joseph's feast day! Special for us. And his 5 month birthday.

I remember my girlfriend calling me, she came from IL to the airport. I was on with her when they were handing our son into my husband's arms. She was crying, I was crying, she was trying to take video and picture and take it all in. I had to let her go! She told me he had wild hair and was big. The biggest clothes I had sent were 6-9 month size. He was 20 lbs! Hubby could only put part of one outfit on him!!

I remember everything about my hubby pulling in the driveway. Looking in the back seat at this little baby. Feeling so proud of my husband, this little boy's daddy.

Bug is an easy going, kind hearted loving boy. He loves to read, play L*gos, anything St*r Wars, his family, Jesus, snuggles, Th*mas the tank engine, eating mama cooked meals and his baby blanket. At this point I am not sure the baby blanket will be gone when he walks down the aisle!! I love this boy and thank God for him every day!!

He stops to smell the flowers!

Chillin' while watching tv

I lOVE the 70's disco pants!

He climbed OUT of his crib and fell asleep here!

2nd Birthday!

My beautiful boy!

Can't you just see the mischief!

He has always had a laugh out loud personality!

Bug gives the BEST hugs and willingly switches clothes with Peanut, anything to get a laugh!

Bug has always been the best pillow for his sweet sister.

And has had the favor returned!

8 years ago......

I was a Momma-in-waiting. We had been married 4+ years and had undiagnosed infertility. We were on the adoption path by this point and our paperwork was in S. Korea waiting to be matched with our first child.

Christmas 2000 had to have been one of my lowest points.

I honestly recall crying my way through many masses during Advent and Christmas.

At the time our paperwork had been sent over mid-October. Adoption time frames were very reliable back then and we were anticipating a January referral. So that would mean our child would have been born already as typically you were referred a 6 week old.

I struggled the whole Advent and Christmas season with the knowledge that my first child wasn't even going to be with me for his/her First Christmas. There was so much agony and despair, I remember just crying out to God that I couldn't understand WHY. So much was being sacrificed not carrying a child in my womb, how could this happen too.

Ahhh, if only I had been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.

January came and went. No calls. No referral.

Boys were more often referred to first time parents because when parents could request a gender, they more often chose a girl. At the time, we knew another family in town whose paperwork went the same time as ours. They had a son and were requesting a girl. Those two things combined made us fairly certain we would be referred a boy.

I truly didn't have a preference either way, I just wanted a baby.

February came and it happened. February 8th to be exact. THE CALL--second only to the travel call (ie: they are coming home or come pick them up)

I was at work. Thankfully my co-workers knew to ask who was calling for me and tell me to take the call in the backroom if it was my social worker.

As I would suspect many parents to say, I don't remember too much about that call. (Or they remember EVERYTHING) I know she told me it was a GIRL!!!

Unbelievable--did we even have a girl's name picked out?!

Then come the statistics of size, etc.... And her date of birth--12/29/2000

Do you see it?

DECEMBER 29

I sat in the backroom sobbing. Not only was I finally a Momma....to a little girl.....but God had heard me, known what was in my heart....and let me know He loved me.

He had/has plans for me. And even if we don't understand those plans, like those plans, agree with those plans, He will provide for us. His plans might not be what I dreamed but He showed me He did know the desires of my heart. And He gave me a reminder for life of His faithfulness and goodness. I just need to remember to watch for it and trust in it.

And, yes, HER FIRST CHRISTMAS was AWESOME!!!!!!!

M

Birth Mothers

In the spirit of National Adoption Month, I am going to post about many aspects of adoption that are close to my heart. As an adoptive mother, I think it natural this be the first.


Peanut and Bug were both born in S. Korea. It was 8 years ago that we had just (in Oct.) become homestudy to Korea. In layman's terms that means our necessary paperwork had just been sent over to wait for the referral of our first child. This put us into one of the hurry up and wait moments that have become SO familiar to us. You hurry, hurry, hurry with your responsibilities so that you can sit and wait!

Now that left me with plenty of time to think, pray, learn and read. At the time we didn't even have a computer and adoption wasn't quite as "out there" as a topic of discussion as it is now. Though it still has a long way to go!

We knew at that time, our child was already conceived and growing in his/her birthmother's womb. I assumed (never really a good thing to do!) that abortions* were not readily available in S. Korea. My awe grew immensely for these precious women when I found out that it is rather "easy" to obtain an abortion there.


These women CHOSE life, so that I may be a mother.


In a society that frowns upon unwed women,

THEY CHOSE LIFE

in a society where open adoption doesn't exist so no chance to know or see their child,

THEY CHOSE LIFE

in a society where the child would not be accepted if he/she was adopted domestically,

THEY CHOSE LIFE

to carry that child for 9 months as an outward reminder to all of their "shame and disgrace",

THEY CHOSE LIFE

knowing if they chose to raise their child, poverty would be their future,

THEY CHOSE LIFE


Our family IS, because THEY CHOSE LIFE.

And I believe they loved their baby enough to make a plan, allowing them to have the best life possible. They had big dreams for their child. I believe it is my job to help my children reach for their dreams, for them, and for their birth mothers.

I strive everyday to do my best for Peanut and Bug to honor the choice their birth mothers made.

We talk to our children about Korea, their birth mothers and the different ways God creates a family.

I pray for my children's birth mothers every day. They are heavy on my heart on Peanut and Bug's birthdays. I wonder how they are doing, are they healthy, living, aware that God loves them, know that we love them, do they have other children/siblings to my children.....

I thank God for them always. I thank God they CHOSE life and I thank God He chose me.





I can't imagine one of them not being CHOSEN, can you?












Thank you to all Birth Mothers for making us infertile women MOTHERS. We are blessed beyond anything one can imagine. Please know your selfless act is so appreciated and honored by those of us blessed by your choices.

M


*FYI--We are a pro-life family.