God's Reminder

This past Sunday* we headed off to Mass. Our son's first Mass.

We were late arriving and in typical Thai fashion, Mass had NOT started yet. Thank you, God! I so dislike walking in to church once Mass has started and knew we wouldn't be able to slip in unnoticed--2 white folk with a Thai child! LOL

I was on my knees, near tears as I was praying prior to the start. It is easy to feel attacked in a place filled with so much sin. I was begging God to be with me, keep us strong, remind me He was here with me. I needed Him. I knew I could find Him there. I NEEDED A REMINDER. I was desperate.

A sweet older man who had been greeting parishioners came down the aisle, scanning the crowd, right as the first song starts.

He turns looking, searching....

His searching goes past us, barely, then comes right back and stops.

He walks over and whispers something to Papa.

I know....instantly I know

Papa looks at me wide-eyed with a small knowing yet disbelieving smile on his face.

I only have to nod my head and mouth YES. No words are necessary. God had instantly answered my prayer.

We had been asked to bring the gifts up. We have NEVER been asked to bring the gifts up in our parish at home.

The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all whom call on Him in truth. Psalm 145:17-18

We felt so honored. I felt it was such a blessing on our son, for his first Mass. We were recognized as a family--only 2 days in to the start of our adventure!

And God was reminding me that no matter where I go, what I see, He is always there, holding my hand, loving me. And even though I SHOULD never need to be reminded, He will always give me what I NEED.

Thank you God for being there for me and for blessing our family so!



*This post was started when in Thailand.

It's all in the eyes

I have been thinking about the adventure we are about to embark on for quite some time lately. (Nothing like an extra 2 weeks to contemplate it all!!) For our first 2 adoptions, our children were escorted to the US. This will be the first of many for me.

It will be my first time seeing the birth country of my child. It will be the first time I have ever been in a third world country. It will be the first time I have ever seen or been in an orphanage. It will be the first time I will be physically taking my child from his birth country.

You see, I love little ones, babies and children. I always imagined I would have a large family. I love adoption. I believe very strongly every child deserves a home. I cry easily at those commercials showing hungry children, children in need of surgery, children in need of someone to call Mom and Dad. It is in the eyes for me. There is no way for the eyes to hide that sadness, that need, that hunger....for love, affection, attention.

And I want to do something about that for them all.

Going to the orphanage and leaving with only 1 child is going to be difficult for me.

There is our sweet son's best friend. We have pictures and video of the 2 of them that is priceless! According to those that visited, they are best buddies. His family is desperately waiting STILL for their referral and he has known since last year as well that he has a family. These 2 little boys are family to each other and my heart hurts thinking about the separation. I pray we get to spend time with both of them to make lasting memories for the boys. I am so thankful we "know" his family and will be in contact.

Seeing all the children waiting for a family and wondering how many will not ever get one is heart-wrenching now. And I haven't even been there yet to see those eyes. It is hard to look at the statistics--@59 Thai children came home to the US in 2008, Munchkin #3 has over 320 in the Babies Home of his orphanage. (Age 0-5, he has been held there to wait for us!)

Yet, I know I want to witness it all. It is my son's home, has been for the past 8 years. I would love to spend many days playing at the orphanage with all the children. I could honestly spend the whole two weeks there!

I have also had this deep inner feeling the last few weeks. A need to spend more time with Jesus, talking, praying, reading. I have felt almost like nothing else matters but opening myself up to Him. I feel God is leading me on a path. A specific path. I want to be open to His will for this trip, these experiences. I have always wanted to be able to share my passion for adoption with others. To encourage others to seek out adoption as a way to grow their family, as a way to serve and love God, a way to love thy neighbor. I pray I am able to absorb it all, keep it close to my heart and use it in a way that will glorify God and help orphans.

4 days to departure!!

Munchkin #3

He would be with us at this time. If there had been no increased violence in the protests. If the DSDW social worker would have still met with us. If we had gone anyway.

Many ifs. Trying hard not to think about those. Focusing on the here and now. And the fact our son will be home.

I stumbled across this yesterday....God knew I needed this. I adore Blessed Mother Teresa, always have. I have heard versions of this before but never from the mouth of someone like her.

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Please pray we hear today that we are able to travel to the next meeting scheduled for May6th. I can't imagine waiting all weekend before we might hear something.

Magic Sam

The last 24 hours have been difficult here at our home. Last night I had the unfortunate task of telling Peanut and Bug it was time for our beloved dog, Sam to be put down. We have known he was sick, but no one is ever really ready, are they? We didn't realize how sick until an appt. yesterday with our vet. God's timing is, of course, perfect because he didn't have much time and if allowed to progress naturally, would not have been "pretty".

I know there are many things worse than this happening to many other people. I have spent the last day and a half working to remind myself that he was "just" a dog. But to us he was more. Sam is the first(and only)pet Papa and I have chosen together. I brought a dog into the marriage. We brought Sam into our home at the same time reality of our infertility came to a head. Papa works a late shift, so Sam is here with me when I hear a noise. If he didn't react, I knew I didn't have to.

As difficult as it was to hear my daughter, kneeling before her crucifix, crying out to Jesus to save her Sammy, I am encouraged by her ability to offer everything to Him. There was no hesitation in her turning to Him many times throughout last night and today. She has been able to cry to Him why, help me and and please take away these sorrows. I am so thankful God has brought me to my knees, allowing me to know Him, in turn allowing my children to know Him. Where would we be without Him? I do not want to know.

So today, we shared a snack with our faithful friend. Pretzels he learned to take from our lips, and M & M's he learned to love after he ate an entire bowl of special birthday colors for Bug 2 years ago. Then Peanut, Bug and I went shopping for our suitcase donations for the orphanage. (Papa took Sam to the vet) We came home with quite a few other items too. My kids don't really even ask for stuff, I just got things for them. ($5 light sabers, hair do dads) It really doesn't make things better. We still came home to an empty house......and an empty wallet.



Thank you for allowing me to share this totally off topic story.

Tomorrow we'll be back to our regularly scheduled adoption.

Ready?

Seven days from right now, we will be on a plane, 9 hours in to our journey to the other side of the world.

Eight days from right now, we will be heading to the orphanage to meet our son!

I have moments where I am feeling well-prepared, on track with my to-do-lists. Yes, there are things to do, but it feels like it continues to come together more and more each day. I realize there will always be a list of things to do and some things on my list are not necessary. Though I must figure out what clothes I have to pack and what I might still need to buy! I seem to keep putting that one off and I am sure it should be considered a high priority!! ;))

Then I have moments where I wonder what I am thinking! I feel like I am missing something BIG, I am way too calm to be leaving the country for 15 days, leaving my 2 kids and bringing home a child who doesn't speak my language. I should be running around frantic about something, I feel.

Yet, I am not. And those above moments are fleeting.

Throughout the last few years, there have been times when God has given me complete peace when I could be really stressed. Or worried. God has allowed me to rest in Him, knowing that what is important, needed for my family will be done. He will provide, He will allow me to breathe, be the wife/mother I need to be if I trust in Him. Often in surrendering my "wants" or what I believe to be the path/plan to His will allows me freedom to enjoy it all so much more. I rest in Him, knowing full well the plans He has for me are so much more than I could ever imagine.


The Psalms 91

	He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2	I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
3	Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
4	He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
5	Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
6	nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
7	A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
8	Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
9	Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the Most High, thy habitation;
10	there shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
11	For he shall give his angels charge over thee, Mt. 4.6 · Lk. 4.10 to keep thee in all thy ways.
12	They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. Mt. 4.6 · Lk. 4.11
13	Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. Lk. 10.19
14	Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
15	He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him.
16	With long life will I satisfy him, and show him my salvation.

I thank God for the peace that surrounds me and the knowledge that He is my rock. I give Him praise that we will have another little soul to raise to know, to love and to serve Him.

Now for that, I am ready!

April 16th

This is an important day for our family! This is the day we will meet our son.

A God-given moment of grace.

Normally, you are told the day and time you will meet with the Thai SW right before you travel, if you are lucky. We had been told they would TRY and get us the info before we left--if they could. And knowing WHEN we would actually get to go the orphanage and meet our son, well, we would find that out when we met with the Thai SW.

We were blessed to receive an email from our agency contact saying we would meet her at 9:30am on April 16th! And then she would take us to our son!! Thank you, Sweet Jesus!

We won't talk about the fact our plane arrives in Bangkok at 12:35am on April 16th, nor that 9:30am is really 9:30pm for us.

I have heard there are St*rbuck's in Thailand........all will be good!!! ;))

Thursday 3/12

Last Thursday morning I woke up at 6:15am which is very unusual for me. I got up, walked the dog and for some reason felt the need to go downstairs and check my emails. All very unusual. Now most mornings for the past umpteen weeks, I usually have rushed down to check my email for a response from Thailand. But that thought didn't even enter my mind and thankfully I was sleepy enough to ignore rational thinking. Well, low and behold, the Holy Spirit did indeed have a reason for prompting me as there was an email from the Bangkok Visa Unit. Our Article 5 had been sent on!!

I climbed back in bed, woke Papa up and told him!!

I forwarded the info to our agency and later talked with them. By that night, our contact emailed around 9pm saying she had emailed the Thailand SW letting her know we were ready to travel. About 2 hours later, I received another email saying which date works for you!!!!!*

We intended to take the first date, however over the weekend it came to my attention there was a long holiday during that time. We can't afford to be gone for extra time if the paperwork has delays and there offices are closed. We were disappointed for a little while, and then agreed we at least have a date and KNOW we are going!!!!!!

Here we come little man!!

*As a side note for anyone who may read this and question some steps--we have been approved by the governing board in Thailand since Oct.'08. It has been our country holding things up. So it is not like you can just email the SW and say, OK, I am ready to travel!! There is a process and we have gone through it, just a few extra steps for us and some things a little backwards.

I didn't want to lead anyone astray!!

So many emotions are moving through me. I hope to be able to put them down, share them, remember them.

I do know I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to grow our family. I thank God for the many people He has put in my life to share this journey. I thank God for allowing me to experience this journey, for the challenges and the rewards. I hope and pray I am able to honor Him by sharing our story, encouraging others in their struggles to be parents, to following God's call to care for His children.

24 hours

That is all it took for us to go from "your Article 5 has been issued" to "here are your travel date choices"!

It took till yesterday for us to talk with our agency and confirm travel but we leave 4 weeks from today!!!! Thank you, God!!!!!!

We will leave our midwest town on April 14th and return on the 28th--to be united as a family of 5. Yahooooo!

We will these next 4 weeks go fast....or slow?!?

More to come tomorrow~ Lots to share....great sites for hotels, airfare tips, God filled moments

Thank you for your prayers!

Peanut's Fundraiser/Giveaway

So here it is!!

Our children have long understood the financial aspect of bringing Munchkin #3 home. They have been a part of cutting back on expenses, Mama taking in a daycare child, skipping extras, etc.....

Peanut, in particular, has been very aware and inquisitive as we have been saving, selling, planning. She has wanted to set up a fundraiser since last summer. Her ideas have ranged from a lemonade stand, where she wanted to charge $20 a glass, to a dinner fundraiser complete with a jumpy thing, or 2 or 3, for kids. One idea she kept going back to was "producing" her own video. A couple of weeks ago, while Mama was out, she convinced Papa it was time! She spent time working out what she wanted to say, set the scene, did her best to memorize it and had Papa shoot it! All of the ideas were hers, implemented with Papa's help. We personally give her an A++++!

We figured the least we could do was help her promote *her* fundraiser. So we are putting it out there! Video included!! She will be tracking any donations made and will be a part of choosing(via random.org) the winner(s)!





Now comes the GIVEAWAY!

In order to enter the giveaway, leave us a comment on this post. Everyone who leaves a comment (whether they make a donation or not) between today 3/13 and 3/27 will be included in a drawing. Random.org will be used to pick the winner(s) on March 28rd, 2009. (Giveaway will end at 12 midnight CST on 3/27)

If you are interested in making a donation, simply click on the orange chip in button and it will bring up a site where you can make a donation via PayPal or a credit/debit card. Any donation, no matter the amount, is truly appreciated!

Please understand, a donation is not necessary to enter to win! We are simply including an incentive to assist Peanut in her efforts to help raise the money needed.

We have chosen 3 different levels to strive for in funds raised. The more donations we receive, the larger the gift card prizes and the better chance you have to be a winner!

For any amount raised up to $1999. one winner will be chosen to receive a cash gift card worth 5% of the amount raised.

An amount raised between $2000. and $2999. the first winner will receive 5% and a second winner will receive 3% of the amount raised in a cash gift card.

Lastly, if the amount raised is over $3000. three winners will be chosen, first and second the same as above and the third winner will receive 2% of the amount raised in a cash gift card.

Make sure to leave an email address or check back on 3/28 as we will post the winner(s) on the blog! And check back during the 14 days--length of time we will be in Thailand when we travel--to see how much has been raised!

We appreciate your prayers and have felt them many times during this wait. It has certainly been challenging but we have also had God "show up" many times to remind us He is in this adoption with us. Please continue to take our prayer requests to the Lord and know you are in our prayers as well.

Only one comment per person please.

Maybe Baby Steps?

Could it be?

Are we really inching closer?

Might we really get that most wanted *travel call*? Soon?

In adoption-land, there are 2 much anticipated calls of importance. The first is your referral call. This tells you whether your child is a boy or girl, date of birth, a little general info (maybe) or, if you are adopting a waiting child, this call tells you he/she is yours. We have now experienced both kinds of referral calls.

The second call you wait for is the travel call that says your child is coming home on this day (escorted) or you may travel to take your child home.

We WILL experience both kinds of travel calls. We WILL. I do know we will receive that much, muCH, MUCH anticipated phone call.

We WILL rejoice, we WILL give praise to God, we WILL do a dance.....


I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Our baby steps......the US Embassy in Thailand responded within 2 days to our email and said an officer would review the documents recently received and let us know when the Article 5 is sent. We also received our ICPC approval, which means we will be allowed BACK into our home state with Munchkin #3. Good news for my parents, my sister and brother-in-law who will be taking care of Peanut and Bug!! Thank you, God!!!

And thank you! for praying for us.

How can we pray for you?

Angel of God 2x

A prayer we pray every morning and night is:

Angel of God, my guardian dear,
To whom God's love commits me here,
Ever this day(night) be at my side,
To light and guard, to rule and guide.

We change the day/night depending on when we are praying it. For at least a year now, we have prayed two Angel Of God prayers at each time. One is for Munchkin #3 since his day is our night and vice versa we say the opposite for him.

It is a constant reminder for us that we have a member of our family missing. It helps me to picture him at that moment, what he might be doing, to validate the fact I do have a 3rd child. His journey to us is almost over. The new pics make it so real, too.

I look forward to the day or night in the very near future (I pray!) where we might pray ONE Angel of God prayer, all together!!

M

Surrendering

We received a big surprise a few weeks back when my Mom called to say she had received a check in the mail for our fund. A friend of hers had heard our no interest loan was not available from our agency anymore and she wanted to help. Such kindness!

As I have been feeling discouraged lately with costs to travel growing and our fund not growing, I haven't checked Paypal lately. I did so last night on a "whim" (encouraged by God I am sure!) and a friend had put a donation in a couple of days ago!! Our home study update is paid for by these 2 donations! Praise God!!!!!

God surprised me with a reminder to have faith that He is in this adoption and will provide for us and our son. It is so easy to put our focus on things of this world or allow ourselves to be consumed by doing everything on our own. Just like that toddler who wants independence to "do myself", we also can fall "victim" to being independent in following our own will/plans. I am glad God wants me as His child enough to use those gentle reminders, calling me back to Him, giving me the reassurance that He will take care of me. I need only to surrender it all to Him!

Where are you in surrendering it all to God? Let me know, I'd love to hear from you!



Thank you to those who feel lead to help make one less orphan in the world!

M

Peace

I am getting nowhere in my pursuit of bringing my son home.

Wait, that isn't exactly true.

I have come to the realization that it is completely out of my hands. It is in God's hands. I know I have done everything I possibly can at this time to........

I was about to say I was trusting God.

But I am unable to completely let go! I went back and changed the last sentence to include at this time. So am I saying for today and maybe tomorrow, I have done everything I can? But wait a few days and then I will need to be back to "doing" everything I can?

Here is what I have been doing.....

Calling every agency in the US that might possibly have any info for me, staying up late at night to be on Thailand time to call there to any agency that might have an answer, reading the same pages on the websites with info on visas, passports, etc....(I could do an infomercial at this point!), dwelling for most of the day on who I might be able to contact, what idea am I missing.....

Here is what I am missing.....

I am missing time with the 2 precious beings I do have right here with me. It will never again be just the two of them after Munchkin #3 comes home. I am missing days of their childhood that we KNOW goes way too fast anyway. I can't get those back! I have missed chances to laugh with them, pray with them, teach them, dance with them, talk with them, etc.....

Yes, I am missing those days with Munchkin #3, but he is not here right now. Peanut and Bug are here.

God has blessed me immensely with these 2 children. The struggle was long and hard. I do completely understand the beauty and wonder of being a Mother. Yet, I have been practically a zombie, living in a place on the other side of the world where I am not really "there" for anyone. #3 is going about his day just as normal, not impacted in any way by the fact that his mother is obsessed with thinking about getting him home. Peanut and Bug are directly impacted and most likely in a negative way.

What if this was to be the last day I have with one or both of them? (God forbid!) Did I live it to the fullest? Do I have good memories to hold on to? Do they? Did I hug them and do they know I love them?

I am literally unable to surrender to God's plan fully.

God doesn't want us to trust Him half the time or even 3/4's of the time. We aren't suppose to put stipulations on our trust. And that is EXACTLY what I am doing! I am telling Him he can have this problem as long as I don't think I could do better. Then I will take it back until I have done what I want....then maybe hand it over to Him again.

How scary is that?! I think I can do better than God!?!!!! WHOA!!!!

So my goal (just so you know, I was doing it again...writing at this time) is to rejoice in the moments I have right here, right now. And to do my best to allow God to give me peace and acceptance of it all being done in His time.

I had that peace when I started this post back on the 22nd.

It lasted a few very good days.

That peace was gone today and I slipped way far down.

I look forward to that peace returning tomorrow.

M

Thailand Time

For 2 nights now I have been up in order to make calls to Thailand during business hours to try and get some answers.

I was unsuccessful again tonight.

I am struggling to think on US time at all right now.

I even talk to Papa on Thailand time these days.

Dear God, please help me get some answers!! I beg you!

M

Things are moving

Check out the thermometer!! A HUGE praise the Lord for the last few days! It is truly amazing to share in honoring God's call to care for orphans.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."-- James 1:27

Another one of my favorite verses!

We will hear by the end of today of our I800 approval (or not approved, but I am not going there). We will be able to contact Thailand then to confirm what meeting date we can attend and BUY OUR TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep praying please!

M

8 years ago......

I was a Momma-in-waiting. We had been married 4+ years and had undiagnosed infertility. We were on the adoption path by this point and our paperwork was in S. Korea waiting to be matched with our first child.

Christmas 2000 had to have been one of my lowest points.

I honestly recall crying my way through many masses during Advent and Christmas.

At the time our paperwork had been sent over mid-October. Adoption time frames were very reliable back then and we were anticipating a January referral. So that would mean our child would have been born already as typically you were referred a 6 week old.

I struggled the whole Advent and Christmas season with the knowledge that my first child wasn't even going to be with me for his/her First Christmas. There was so much agony and despair, I remember just crying out to God that I couldn't understand WHY. So much was being sacrificed not carrying a child in my womb, how could this happen too.

Ahhh, if only I had been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.

January came and went. No calls. No referral.

Boys were more often referred to first time parents because when parents could request a gender, they more often chose a girl. At the time, we knew another family in town whose paperwork went the same time as ours. They had a son and were requesting a girl. Those two things combined made us fairly certain we would be referred a boy.

I truly didn't have a preference either way, I just wanted a baby.

February came and it happened. February 8th to be exact. THE CALL--second only to the travel call (ie: they are coming home or come pick them up)

I was at work. Thankfully my co-workers knew to ask who was calling for me and tell me to take the call in the backroom if it was my social worker.

As I would suspect many parents to say, I don't remember too much about that call. (Or they remember EVERYTHING) I know she told me it was a GIRL!!!

Unbelievable--did we even have a girl's name picked out?!

Then come the statistics of size, etc.... And her date of birth--12/29/2000

Do you see it?

DECEMBER 29

I sat in the backroom sobbing. Not only was I finally a Momma....to a little girl.....but God had heard me, known what was in my heart....and let me know He loved me.

He had/has plans for me. And even if we don't understand those plans, like those plans, agree with those plans, He will provide for us. His plans might not be what I dreamed but He showed me He did know the desires of my heart. And He gave me a reminder for life of His faithfulness and goodness. I just need to remember to watch for it and trust in it.

And, yes, HER FIRST CHRISTMAS was AWESOME!!!!!!!

M

My Little Sister gets an earful

So she really isn't a little sister in the sense she use to be. As I am getting older, so is she. She has been married 3 1/2 years and has 2 children. But she is still my little Sister. Her husband was out of town over the summer and I went over with supper one night. As I was leaving at dusk, the protective older Sister started thinking 'she is too young to be staying here by herself, it is going to be dark soon, etc....' Then my mind moves on to 'for goodness sakes, she has given birth to 2 children, she is certainly old enough!' But she IS still my little Sister and always will be. It is really a term of endearment.

On to the title of this post--on the 18th when I last posted I called my Sister up. My first comment was something to the effect "Now I know you have been pregnant and given birth, so please don't take offense to anything I say". (Same goes true for anyone reading, please!!) "But SERIOUSLY, I just want to be able to make love to my husband......and have a baby! I mean really, there isn't ANYBODY that plays a part in deciding when your baby comes home. (We won't even go there about the necessary hoops to receiving a referral for a child! My struggles right now are getting him home!!) God is the only One that has a Hand in deciding when that baby comes into the world. But there are MANY MANY people who have to do their job and do it well, impacting when my son comes home."

Of course, you readers don't have the full effect of my shrill, stressed voice grating in your ears, but I bet you can picture it. ;)) My sweet little Sister listened to the latest rant from a desperate Momma with her usual kindness and understanding. I love you, Sis!

Now I do know that God is big enough to impact ALL those people to do their part quickly and well.

However, that will not placate me.........because I don't know if those people will HEAR God speaking to them.

That baby in the womb of a Mother will HEAR and LISTEN. And his or her Mother doesn't stand a chance!!

Kids say it best!

Our kids have been praying right along with us for the financial part to allow us to bring munchkin #3 home. He has been a "part" of our family for over a year now. There truly isn't a one of us that can't wait for him to be here.

We have been blessed the last two days with unexpected donations. THANK YOU!

This morning through my tears, I was telling Peanut and Bug about the latest 2. They are always curious about from whom and how much. While they have a concept of money, it is vague. They do understand we need a large sum of money.

Both kids take any money they receive or find and put it in our change jar we started for Munchkin #3. A favorite Christmas movie of ours is a story of a farm family with not much money one Christmas. Dad sells the horse to get presents, the kids, of course, loved the horse more than the gifts. This prompted us to discuss our Christmas and how would we feel about sacrificing our gifts for a brother. Bug emphatically responded without hesitation, YES--I want him home to play. Peanut took a little longer and wasn't quite as emphatic, however if it had been for a sister........ :))))

So back to this morning--
Peanut responded with a "My (Munchkin #3) is coming home! I can't wait till he is in my arms."

Bug gasped, said "oh wow, that is so nice of them" and did a jig!

Then we all thanked God. We thank God for providing for us and for all those that are helping to bring him home. You will be in our prayers forever, your names printed in our prayer notebook and forever in our hearts.

We look forward to one day "paying it forward".

We are all doing a jig on this glorious God-given day. May your day be as blessed as ours!
M

Thank God for my infertility?

I have this weighing on my mind since I came across a post on a favorite blog of mine. Angie at Bring the Rain wrote a post in regards to thanking God for EVERYTHING not just the good stuff. (The actual post I am referring to was taken down by Angie, so you have to take my word for it!)

Angie is a wonderful Godly woman who is an excellent writer that has opened up her soul during a most tragic time to share with many who have suffered similarly. She and her hubby had a daughter die shortly after her birth. Angie has helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus as well as work through some of my feelings on my infertility. She really "won" me over when she included women who experience infertility in her National Remembrance Day Nov. 15th.

At the end of the post she gave a challenge. And that challenge has been dogging me for days now. She challenged us to write on a piece of paper something that we were thankful for.

But there was a catch, it had to be something we don't feel thankful for.

Yikes

I have been tossing this around in my mind since then. Here is where I am so far....

I CAN say thank you for my infertility for ONE reason.....I wouldn't be Mama to Peanut and Bug with Munchkin #3 coming from Thailand.

But then there are all the other reasons I struggle with being infertile~

know what it feels like to carry a child inside my body, created in the most beautiful way by God's incredible design for husband and wife

being able to offer the life sustaining nourishment my child needs from my own body as God created it

have a big family, bringing up those souls to love Jesus as much as I do, offering them to Him

be more financially comfortable, due to the cost differences between our fantastic health ins and the expenses involved in adoption

feel like I am not good enough, for God, for my husband

feel like we are not Catholic "enough", that God doesn't trust us enough to raise our children to honor Him

Maybe I am reading too much into writing that sentence of thanksgiving. I believe part of the idea was to be obedient in thanking God and letting Him work on our hearts to truly feel thankful.

I wish I could be more thankful for it all.

I hope nobody thinks I don't love my children. They ARE my children.

I do thank God for allowing me to be a Mother.

I do ache in the knowledge that I will leave this life here on earth never carrying a child in my womb.

Being able to connect those 2 halves is what I strive for, being able to thank God for each aspect of my infertility.

And when I am most down in my acceptance/understanding of this cross I carry, I turn to this verse--

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

M

Adoption a Second Choice??

In our society, it is assumed you have infertility problems if you are adopting a child. This assumption leads many people to make comments suggesting that adoption is a second choice for a family.

I do know of quite a few families that have chosen to adopt rather than conceive a child.

We are not one of those families. We assumed we would have biological children. Like many, we never felt there would be a problem conceiving a child the "natural" way.

Turns out that wasn't "the plan".

We didn't follow many of the paths often taken for infertility treatments. We moved on to "plan B", adoption.

Does it naturally become a second choice because it is Plan B? Does it mean our children are any less than biological children would be to us?

The answer would be NO because....

With God as part of the equation, there is never a second choice. It is His first choice. His plan A for our family. It was NEVER in His plan for us to have a biological child.

It is not for me to ask Why. The Bible tells us "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "
Jeremiah 29:10-12

Would I have known the plans God has for me if we hadn't struggled with infertility? Peanut and Bug would not be OUR children. And they could not be any more OUR children had we "birthed" these 2 Munchkins.

There is no possibility my family is a second choice. I have hope and my children have a future and I can't wait to see His plans continue to unfold.