8 years ago......

I was a Momma-in-waiting. We had been married 4+ years and had undiagnosed infertility. We were on the adoption path by this point and our paperwork was in S. Korea waiting to be matched with our first child.

Christmas 2000 had to have been one of my lowest points.

I honestly recall crying my way through many masses during Advent and Christmas.

At the time our paperwork had been sent over mid-October. Adoption time frames were very reliable back then and we were anticipating a January referral. So that would mean our child would have been born already as typically you were referred a 6 week old.

I struggled the whole Advent and Christmas season with the knowledge that my first child wasn't even going to be with me for his/her First Christmas. There was so much agony and despair, I remember just crying out to God that I couldn't understand WHY. So much was being sacrificed not carrying a child in my womb, how could this happen too.

Ahhh, if only I had been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.

January came and went. No calls. No referral.

Boys were more often referred to first time parents because when parents could request a gender, they more often chose a girl. At the time, we knew another family in town whose paperwork went the same time as ours. They had a son and were requesting a girl. Those two things combined made us fairly certain we would be referred a boy.

I truly didn't have a preference either way, I just wanted a baby.

February came and it happened. February 8th to be exact. THE CALL--second only to the travel call (ie: they are coming home or come pick them up)

I was at work. Thankfully my co-workers knew to ask who was calling for me and tell me to take the call in the backroom if it was my social worker.

As I would suspect many parents to say, I don't remember too much about that call. (Or they remember EVERYTHING) I know she told me it was a GIRL!!!

Unbelievable--did we even have a girl's name picked out?!

Then come the statistics of size, etc.... And her date of birth--12/29/2000

Do you see it?

DECEMBER 29

I sat in the backroom sobbing. Not only was I finally a Momma....to a little girl.....but God had heard me, known what was in my heart....and let me know He loved me.

He had/has plans for me. And even if we don't understand those plans, like those plans, agree with those plans, He will provide for us. His plans might not be what I dreamed but He showed me He did know the desires of my heart. And He gave me a reminder for life of His faithfulness and goodness. I just need to remember to watch for it and trust in it.

And, yes, HER FIRST CHRISTMAS was AWESOME!!!!!!!

M

My Little Sister gets an earful

So she really isn't a little sister in the sense she use to be. As I am getting older, so is she. She has been married 3 1/2 years and has 2 children. But she is still my little Sister. Her husband was out of town over the summer and I went over with supper one night. As I was leaving at dusk, the protective older Sister started thinking 'she is too young to be staying here by herself, it is going to be dark soon, etc....' Then my mind moves on to 'for goodness sakes, she has given birth to 2 children, she is certainly old enough!' But she IS still my little Sister and always will be. It is really a term of endearment.

On to the title of this post--on the 18th when I last posted I called my Sister up. My first comment was something to the effect "Now I know you have been pregnant and given birth, so please don't take offense to anything I say". (Same goes true for anyone reading, please!!) "But SERIOUSLY, I just want to be able to make love to my husband......and have a baby! I mean really, there isn't ANYBODY that plays a part in deciding when your baby comes home. (We won't even go there about the necessary hoops to receiving a referral for a child! My struggles right now are getting him home!!) God is the only One that has a Hand in deciding when that baby comes into the world. But there are MANY MANY people who have to do their job and do it well, impacting when my son comes home."

Of course, you readers don't have the full effect of my shrill, stressed voice grating in your ears, but I bet you can picture it. ;)) My sweet little Sister listened to the latest rant from a desperate Momma with her usual kindness and understanding. I love you, Sis!

Now I do know that God is big enough to impact ALL those people to do their part quickly and well.

However, that will not placate me.........because I don't know if those people will HEAR God speaking to them.

That baby in the womb of a Mother will HEAR and LISTEN. And his or her Mother doesn't stand a chance!!

Paperwork issues--UGH

Ok, there are MORE paperworks problems. I am truly not sure how many more of these I can take. Please pray this is VERY temporary and that our agency mails our I800 out today via overnight mail.

At this point I need to accept the fact that traveling for the Jan. 14th meeting is very slim and that fact is really not settling well with me.

I really wanted to be in Thailand and have our son with us for his birthday, to celebrate with his parents as a very special boy on his own with his parents. It would be the first time his actual birthday would be celebrated on his birthday and not with a bunch of other kids having a birthday in the same month.

In re-reading this post, this thought came to me, I really wanted to be in Thailand a long time ago.

Enough whining

At least for now~

Please pray for the paperwork to move quickly and for me to enjoy the Advent and Christmas season with my family here.

M

P.S. Thank you!! The thermometer continues to move!

Kids say it best!

Our kids have been praying right along with us for the financial part to allow us to bring munchkin #3 home. He has been a "part" of our family for over a year now. There truly isn't a one of us that can't wait for him to be here.

We have been blessed the last two days with unexpected donations. THANK YOU!

This morning through my tears, I was telling Peanut and Bug about the latest 2. They are always curious about from whom and how much. While they have a concept of money, it is vague. They do understand we need a large sum of money.

Both kids take any money they receive or find and put it in our change jar we started for Munchkin #3. A favorite Christmas movie of ours is a story of a farm family with not much money one Christmas. Dad sells the horse to get presents, the kids, of course, loved the horse more than the gifts. This prompted us to discuss our Christmas and how would we feel about sacrificing our gifts for a brother. Bug emphatically responded without hesitation, YES--I want him home to play. Peanut took a little longer and wasn't quite as emphatic, however if it had been for a sister........ :))))

So back to this morning--
Peanut responded with a "My (Munchkin #3) is coming home! I can't wait till he is in my arms."

Bug gasped, said "oh wow, that is so nice of them" and did a jig!

Then we all thanked God. We thank God for providing for us and for all those that are helping to bring him home. You will be in our prayers forever, your names printed in our prayer notebook and forever in our hearts.

We look forward to one day "paying it forward".

We are all doing a jig on this glorious God-given day. May your day be as blessed as ours!
M

Grants and Fundraising

What I like to call the nitty gritty part~

We have sold all but 2 of our first 20 Papa Murphy's Pizza Coupons which netted us $170. Thank you!!

We send out 2 grant letters/apps this week and have tentatively heard back that one is not able to help us. Please pray that we are able to hear something positive from the other one.

We need $7000 in 3 weeks. The irony of there being 3 weeks left of advent (a little less) is not lost on us and I can't think of a more fitting way to spend our advent with our focus on God's provisions for us and an orphan child.

Thank you for praying for us!
M

Approval

FINALLY!!!!!!!!

It only took 4 long months, but we have our USCIS I800A approval to bring an orphan into the states! YAHOOOO Praise God!!

Now we send in our I800 and it SHOULD be approved the same day. Then it has to trek all the way to Thailand's US Embassy.

Please God, help it all get there and done before Christmas so we can have our boy by his birthday!

New Prayer Request Updates

Well, here it is December and we thought our son would have been home for 6 months by now! I guess that is what we get for "planning" in an adoption! It has been a rough few weeks but we seem to be turning the corner with some of our struggles in bringing him home.

The Thailand airport is suppose to re-open Dec. 5th. (Which means with the time change it should be open now) We will continue to pray to God that we can get in country and out before the possibility of more trouble arises.

We spent the last 2 1/2 weeks chasing papers that were to be mailed from our agency to USCIS, almost from one side of the country to the other. First, it couldn't be delivered due to being a P.O. Box and sat in the mail room for 1 week before being mailed back. Then right before the holiday was mailed from our agency but was "lost" by the mail service of choice and never moved out of that state till a week later when we asked about it! UGGGGGHHHH I am so thankful I have been obsessed following this case otherwise we would be losing even more time.

So it arrived at USCIS on Wed, yesterday and now needs to move through their mailroom to be checked for anthrax, bombs, etc..... (of course, because adoptive families are so suspicious, as if we haven't been fingerprinted and checked out enough!) Then our case worker can move forward with it.

I would appreciate prayers that it ends up in her hands tomorrow, Friday and she is able to approve us and we can truly move forward next week.

Our agency did indicate attempting to make it to one of the January meetings so it will be either the 14th or 28th that we will be there, God willing!! I personally vote for the 14th for many reasons, but most importantly is we would be with our son for his b-day--in Thailand which would be so special. It would just be Mama, Papa and him, so personal and special for his first b'day with us!! In the orphanage, they celebrate all the kids born in that month on one day with one cake. We would be able to make it SO much more for him.

We received our papers from Thailand that are needed to complete our 2nd step for USCIS (our government)!! Thank you God!

Thailand has been right on the ball with our case and indicated to our agency that they are very excited for us to travel and get our son. I don't think about the fact that if it weren't for OUR government struggles, he could have been home for Christmas. :(( But then the next prayer request would have been an even bigger problem~

That brings us to the nitty gritty money needed issue. A blessing of not traveling until January is that airfare will be lower, so total needed will be lower. Papa worked Thanksgiving bringing in extra money as well as he sold a guitar pedal. I have researched and called/emailed any groups affiliated with our church to see about grants/donations. Please pray for 2 possibilities I have found that might be able to help. We continue to work on the Papa Murphy's Fundraiser as well.

Please pray that we are able to raise the funds needed and go get in January as hoped for! Our guy has been waiting much too long for a family and we want him home!

Thank you for all your prayers and for helping us on this journey~

M

Thank God for my infertility?

I have this weighing on my mind since I came across a post on a favorite blog of mine. Angie at Bring the Rain wrote a post in regards to thanking God for EVERYTHING not just the good stuff. (The actual post I am referring to was taken down by Angie, so you have to take my word for it!)

Angie is a wonderful Godly woman who is an excellent writer that has opened up her soul during a most tragic time to share with many who have suffered similarly. She and her hubby had a daughter die shortly after her birth. Angie has helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus as well as work through some of my feelings on my infertility. She really "won" me over when she included women who experience infertility in her National Remembrance Day Nov. 15th.

At the end of the post she gave a challenge. And that challenge has been dogging me for days now. She challenged us to write on a piece of paper something that we were thankful for.

But there was a catch, it had to be something we don't feel thankful for.

Yikes

I have been tossing this around in my mind since then. Here is where I am so far....

I CAN say thank you for my infertility for ONE reason.....I wouldn't be Mama to Peanut and Bug with Munchkin #3 coming from Thailand.

But then there are all the other reasons I struggle with being infertile~

know what it feels like to carry a child inside my body, created in the most beautiful way by God's incredible design for husband and wife

being able to offer the life sustaining nourishment my child needs from my own body as God created it

have a big family, bringing up those souls to love Jesus as much as I do, offering them to Him

be more financially comfortable, due to the cost differences between our fantastic health ins and the expenses involved in adoption

feel like I am not good enough, for God, for my husband

feel like we are not Catholic "enough", that God doesn't trust us enough to raise our children to honor Him

Maybe I am reading too much into writing that sentence of thanksgiving. I believe part of the idea was to be obedient in thanking God and letting Him work on our hearts to truly feel thankful.

I wish I could be more thankful for it all.

I hope nobody thinks I don't love my children. They ARE my children.

I do thank God for allowing me to be a Mother.

I do ache in the knowledge that I will leave this life here on earth never carrying a child in my womb.

Being able to connect those 2 halves is what I strive for, being able to thank God for each aspect of my infertility.

And when I am most down in my acceptance/understanding of this cross I carry, I turn to this verse--

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

M

Twitchin' Eye

Well, my left eye started twitching about the same time the airport in Thailand closed due to the protesters.

The protesters should be moving out of the airport to allow them to re-open sometime soon.

I wonder when the twitching will stop.... ;))

M