Monday, December 29, 2008

8 years ago......

I was a Momma-in-waiting. We had been married 4+ years and had undiagnosed infertility. We were on the adoption path by this point and our paperwork was in S. Korea waiting to be matched with our first child.

Christmas 2000 had to have been one of my lowest points.

I honestly recall crying my way through many masses during Advent and Christmas.

At the time our paperwork had been sent over mid-October. Adoption time frames were very reliable back then and we were anticipating a January referral. So that would mean our child would have been born already as typically you were referred a 6 week old.

I struggled the whole Advent and Christmas season with the knowledge that my first child wasn't even going to be with me for his/her First Christmas. There was so much agony and despair, I remember just crying out to God that I couldn't understand WHY. So much was being sacrificed not carrying a child in my womb, how could this happen too.

Ahhh, if only I had been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.

January came and went. No calls. No referral.

Boys were more often referred to first time parents because when parents could request a gender, they more often chose a girl. At the time, we knew another family in town whose paperwork went the same time as ours. They had a son and were requesting a girl. Those two things combined made us fairly certain we would be referred a boy.

I truly didn't have a preference either way, I just wanted a baby.

February came and it happened. February 8th to be exact. THE CALL--second only to the travel call (ie: they are coming home or come pick them up)

I was at work. Thankfully my co-workers knew to ask who was calling for me and tell me to take the call in the backroom if it was my social worker.

As I would suspect many parents to say, I don't remember too much about that call. (Or they remember EVERYTHING) I know she told me it was a GIRL!!!

Unbelievable--did we even have a girl's name picked out?!

Then come the statistics of size, etc.... And her date of birth--12/29/2000

Do you see it?


I sat in the backroom sobbing. Not only was I finally a a little girl.....but God had heard me, known what was in my heart....and let me know He loved me.

He had/has plans for me. And even if we don't understand those plans, like those plans, agree with those plans, He will provide for us. His plans might not be what I dreamed but He showed me He did know the desires of my heart. And He gave me a reminder for life of His faithfulness and goodness. I just need to remember to watch for it and trust in it.



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