Home 5 months

I can't even believe we have been home that long!

There are times Jet feels like he has been a part of our family forever. Then there are moments when it all feels brand new.

Jet's language skills continue to improve. He works so hard at pronouncing words. It is fascinating to me, having done infant and older child adoptions from different Asian countries,
the sounds present in our English language that the Asian mouth has difficulty making. My infant adoptions were at 4.5 and 5 months. It seems to me it would be in the development of their mouths in the womb, hereditary, which makes it difficult to produce those sounds. Jet watches my mouth so carefully, diligently trying over and over again to produce a sound like mine. His grasp of the English language is awe-inspiring, even grasping emotions, being able to relate it to Thailand and how he experienced the same emotion there.

I have noticed the last week or two, however, Jet relies on his brother and sister to give answers. He jumps in on the last few words making it seem as if he had the same answer! In a way it has given a false sense of his understanding. I am working to ensure his true understanding by questioning him directly, alternating between them all.

Jet eats well, has gained 3 or 4 lbs (much needed) and still sleeps well. One thing I have noticed is there is only 2 times in the past 5 months where Jet has told me he is hungry. I am not sure it is a feeling he is use to, or having someone willing/able to do anything about it.

We continue to work on knowing when we have to use the bathroom. Shortly after IL, he was talking about his stomach hurting and I suggested he go in and sit. He did and afterward relayed the whole story back to me--my stomach hurt, Mama said go sit on potty, I did and my stomach doesn't hurt anymore! Huge smiles and excitement!! I was able to explain when he had that feeling he needed to go. In the last week or so he has known 2x on his own it was time to go!! Progress!

I think this last month or so has been hardest on myself. I feel like parenting is a whole new ball game and I am not playing the game very well. Peanut and Bug were incredibly close siblings, very rarely arguing. In retrospect, I truly had no idea what sibling rivalry was. The "I want to do it, it's my turn, he is always first, etc....", along with the tattletale-ing has been new for me to adjust to and for us to figure out how to parent.

I have also had a difficult time feeling comfortable explaining myself to anyone. We wanted to have kids, a "big" family. We struggle to have these children and to be parents, how dare we feel anything other than excitement, happiness in our new situation. It feels contradictory to the waiting phase where all we could think about was getting our child home. It is a blessing, we are thrilled yet like any parent growing their family, we have struggles.

We ARE so blessed to be a family of five!

Saint Mama?

When we say are night time prayers we ask each family members "name" saint to pray for us. Since there is no Saint Megan, I have chosen St. Anne (Mary's mother). We have a few other saints we include so it isn't a straight 5, which makes it less straight forward for him. Last night after going through the list there was a pause and Jet speaks up "What about Saint Mama?" LOL

She's definitely not in this house!!!!!!!!!!!!

But thanks for thinking of me, buddy! I cherish the innocent inquiries and his earnest attempts to understand and be a part of our family. I am so thankful he is comfortable enough to say what is on his mind!

Vacation--too soon?

Make a Smilebox slideshow

(Make sure you hit play 2x, once on this page, then again when the screen comes up to start the slideshow!)

We had a great time, definitely. I hadn't put too much thought into how it was going to be for Jet to go. Papa and I had talked a couple of times about it, things we knew to watch for in regards to attachment, etc.... It was a trip we had to go on for a variety of reasons and it was an opportunity for family to meet Jet.

From the start, though Jet was confused as to where we were going, how long to get there and the weather, he never exhibited his previous signs of being nervous/anxious/uncertain. He was hesitant and shy when meeting new people at first. Very normal behavior and a good sign, I believe. However, he was able to see his brother and sister interacting and seemed to fit right in.

The first part of the trip was family centered and busy with the 90th birthday party. We did take the 5 cousins for a photo shoot at the Pic*ure People which turned out fantastic! We had two 8 year olds, one 6 year old and 2 15 month olds!! So much fun, I look forward to posting a few once we hit our 6 month mark for Jet!

As you saw in the slideshow, the 2nd couple of days was at a friend's house which is very resort-like. Papa hadn't been back to IL in 5 years so he hadn't seen "L"'s new digs. Our kids combined with "Z" are safe with many options of things to do. Our munchkins have known L their whole life and are comfortable with her. She enjoys being with them, so it is easy for me to feel "off" and let them go to her. I realized shortly into the 2nd day Jet was becoming too comfortable with L and disregarding us. Peanut and Bug know what Mama and Papa have for rules and expectations still stands but that isn't something Jet could have known, let alone understood. Thankfully, it did come to my attention and I started to pull Jet back to me and Papa, insisting he come to us for things, hold our hands when necessary, etc...

As a side note, vacation is a difficult thing to explain, let alone one Jet had ever heard before. Usual chores are different or non-existant, different parenting is exhibited if other kids are involved, no routine, often more activities planned, lifestyle differences....So many things you don't realize when your other children have grown up with those differences, as they are in EVERY family, knowing that every family is unique. We have answered a few questions along the way but for the most part, it just IS.

For a child, who has one experience of a family/home in the US (or anywhere for that matter!), such a change can be confusing/overwhelming! And though his language skills are incredible, there are some things that aren't able to be explained in a way he can grasp.

Had we spent enough time trying to explain vacation? Did we do enough planning of what we needed to do, what our family/friends needed to not do? It is hard to think of EVERY scenario, each moment of what MIGHT happen.

What did happen I don't think I would have ever come up with in my mind as a scenario. No matter how much thinking I put into it.

Jet knew what state we lived in, we had used a map of America to show where our state was, where we were going, what states we would drive through and we had discussed we would be heading back home. Home and our state were two words we had used many times since Jet came home. We thought they were fairly solid in his understanding.

Leaving went off without a hitch. We had to stop by Papa's family one last time for a quick visit. Then the long ride back through the same states. We stopped at the same exit/restaurant/gas station. (For no reason other than we are creatures of habit!) Our emphasis was on home and our state. We arrived, unloaded the car and drove to return our rented car, picking up our car along the way. It was at a stop on the way home (again) when Jet fell apart. I was asking him a question and when I turned to look at him, I saw the tears glistening in his eyes. I opened up the flood gates by asking what was wrong. He sobbed and sobbed for a little while until he was able to choke out he liked Aunt L's house. He listed all the really fun things to do there as why he liked it and wanted to be there. I did my best to explain we all liked it, it wasn't like that every single day, Z didn't get to do that everyday, fall and snow were coming there too, and we would go back next year.

For a few days after I was told "I can't wait to go back to IL, I like Aunt L, I like Aunt L's house"...alot. Jet has had more melancholy episodes since returning and has been ATTACHED to my side. He has been like a bear on honey when he realizes I am on the phone with L. Jet has become more picky about things in our house, comparing it to L's house. He has become more assertive in things he WANTS, expecting to get them, like food choices, doing activities, not doing chores.

Some of those things could be related to regular family life adjusting, I realize, however the situations do present in similarity to our time in IL.

2 steps forward, 10 steps back...isn't that how the saying goes!! Or at least close! We enjoyed our time, no doubt! We had beautiful unexpected nice weather. Family and friends met our new son and we got to meet new nieces! New memories made! Lessons learned!

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Yes, it is Papa singing, playing guitar and a song he wrote on the Smilebox!!

Daddies in Training

When Jet first came home his idea of play with a doll was throwing it down and all around. It didn't take long for him to catch on and the other day when Bug was getting Tracey in her carrier, Jet wanted to do the same!! I am going to make him a black one this weekend to match one I use with my daycare infants. Good training for the future!!

Vacation was good, too soon for Jet though. Writing that now.

Road Trip

It is crazy to get ready to be out of town for 1 week with 5 people. How is it one 45 lb. child makes a difference I don't know! Just more!!

It is INSANE to take 3 children on a 10 hour car ride. One with minimum understanding of "10 hours".

We left the house, with everything but the kitchen sink, and made 2 quick drive thru stops. Upon stopping to grab pizza for lunch in the car, Jet said "Illinois?". (Our destination)

Our concenus was Miss Oh did a GREAT job translating to Jet how long our flights home were going to be home from Thailand. Us, not so much, in preparing for this trip!!

Peanut and Bug forgot since last year how to travel! I have made this trip at least once every year with them as we have family and friends here. Last year was great. This year Peanut basically asked every hour what time it was, as she knew what time we estimated to arrive. Bug talked about being restless and are we there yet constantly.

Can you even imagine if we had taken them to Thailand!?!! I assumed they would be great travelers as they have been in the past. It would have been one long flight!!

We are here for Papa's grandma. She turns 90 today! Big celebration happening on Saturday. Papa hasn't seen his family in 3 years.

Off to celebrate!!

Name Game

When looking into older child adoption I found stories of kids who wanted an American name and others keeping their given name from birth. Papa and I knew we wanted to give Jet an American name combined with his Thai name for his new name. He had a nickname we liked and his Thai name was a fairly easy to pronounce name, so we felt comfortable with encouraging him to have a say in his name. We especially felt this way as the adoption time frame stretched out and we were bringing home an 8 year old instead of a 6 year old.

In Thailand (and at home before travel) we used Jet's Thai name and nickname. If I remember correctly Miss Oh did ask us if we were giving him an American name and I am fairly certain she did mention it to him. But we never discussed it there. We had more important things to discuss, like potty etiquette!!

Once at home I used Jet's American name with his Thai name as his middle name when calling the kids sporadically. I am a full name kind of Mama. My munchkins get called by their first and middle names often. So it fit. And I used it as an explanation for him. Bug and Peanut have part of their Korean name in their middle names so it was fairly easy for him to grasp.

We had spent 20 months calling Jet by his Thai name, it was a hard habit to break. And quite honestly, Papa and I had never sat right down and said we felt it had to be done one way or the other. We had time and felt Jet had choices. We simply made him aware we had chosen an American name for him.

After we had been home about 7 weeks or so the munchkins and I went to a musical performed by dancers from Peanut's dance studio. We ran into a family from our home school group we hadn't seen since returning home. My friend was introducing one of her son's to Jet and I leaned down to Jet and said can you tell him your name? Jet immediately said his American name! I was stunned. I hadn't yet thought to put the question to him. It hadn't seemed like enough time had gone by to me!

Shortly after that we were getting ready to attend a 4th of July party and I sat Jet down and asked him what he wanted to be called. He chose his American name and said he wanted us to call him that too. So that was how he was introduced.

Some of us in our family are better at using his American name. Bug calls him by his Thai name almost exclusively. Papa uses his nickname the most. Peanut and I use his American name.

In typical toddler fashion, Jet uses his name when referring to himself as he is at that stage in learning the English language. He uses his American name. Except when talking about his time in Thailand. He uses his Thai name then. It is honestly quite funny. He will change the name if he gets confused and says the "wrong" name. The first time he used his Thai name when talking about himself in Thailand I was quite surprised!

He answers to all and doesn't get upset about any name he is called.

Just a little over 2 months left and we can let you know what his name is and show you a picture!! Can't wait!!

Western Style

A topic I had not given much thought to at all was potty time. And the differences between the states and Thailand. I put plenty of thought and concern into my needing to use the bathroom there considering I do everything to NOT use a public bathroom here. But I never thought much past "how do you say bathroom in Thai" for our new son.

About 1 week prior to traveling to bring Jet home, it hit me, Jet would be standing! I had stuck with the non-messy sitting down method with Bug. He is an easily distracted kid and I simply didn't want to deal with it. (Terrible, I know!) YIKES! I wasn't sure how ready I was for the "big boy way" from a little boy.

That was more MY problem..... still not much thought on the differences and communicating those differences with our language barriers.

Jet's reaction to the western style toilet in the bathroom was our first inkling this was going to be an adventure! I was SO thankful Papa was the favorite at these times, for sure!! It was a mix of peaked interest and of being terrified.

We quickly realized Jet never asked to use the bathroom. He would go for hours and hours. I am assuming there was a set schedule for everything at the orphanage. The caretakers, quite frankly, would not be able to get anything else done if they took each child when they needed to go. Way too many children and not enough caretakers. Plus Thailand is a country that uses the elimination communication type method. After a few days he began to initiate needing to go on his own at times. Yeah! This was pretty easy, huh?!

Since I wasn't the one assisting with the bathroom time it took a couple of days for us to realize (ok, for me to ask!) he wasn't sitting to do anything. If you catch my drift! ;)) He must have had one uncomfortable tummy by this point, poor guy!

Jet had no desire to sit on this western style toilet and our hotel had HUGE toilets, too. I couldn't blame him too much as his tiny Thai bottom was LOST on it! And I will add for the benefit of others adopting older children, a different method is used which doesn't use toilet paper. So that needs to be taught as well. Jet was NOT thrilled with this concept.

Jet seemed to have NO idea when he needed to take time to sit and go. He still only seldom is aware of the need. I have to try and keep track and remind him. A couple of weeks ago I realized he will use our Thai version "hong nam" for a quick visit and use of American "potty" if he is going to "sit"! LOL I have to work hard to remember this because I will often tell the kids to go potty before we are leaving the house. That gives Jet cause to stop and look at me with a questioning face!

I assume the method used to potty train is the cause of him not knowing/realizing the signs telling him to go. Not regularly going and the change in diet has created some uncomfortable situations for all involved. In Thailand, I would typically need to leave the hotel room for the duration of time needed and here at home, nobody likes to go near the bathroom for awhile after. TMI??!! Just keeping it real!


On another subject, thank you very much for the prayers and kind words about Papa's job. He had an interview this evening for a job he would LOVE to do. It is with his company, but a long shot. We are down to 2 weeks and I had panic set in this evening. I had been doing well, knowing it was in God's hands and He knew this was going to happen. And He has a plan. It is so easy though to let fear and doubt creep in, allowing despair to take over. We know despair is not of God, however. When searching through my Bible, I came upon this--

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12: 7-9

After reading this chapter and specifically these verses over and over again, something seeped in to my heart and soul. It is in my weakness, my despair, that I am at my best with God. When I allow myself to cry out to Him, He gives me everything I need. It is so easy to go about our daily hectic lives, hopefully remembering to give Him some time. Yet it is in that moment, that time of crying out, I am reminded He is in charge of my life and that is EXACTLY as it should be.

Absence & Prayers

Sorry for the delay on posting here. Last Thursday we received word Papa's entire division is being eliminated. 30 days notice. Papa has worked for the same company for over 8 years. We have great benefits and an adoption reimbursement after Jet is finalized. He isn't to be finalized till December.

Rocked our world, even though we know the economy is in trouble. Praying hard it doesn't rock our adoption too much. We will be contacting our agency tomorrow.

We are praying another area of the company will be able to offer him a place. If you could join us in that pray we would appreciate it.

Will post again later tonight about adoption.

Food Fancy

I thought I would give an update on the food, eating situation for Jet. I am going to give more detail for others who are venturing down a similar path to us.

A description of the food served at the orphanage-- We received a definition as well as saw 2 lunches being served. It is a clear broth with pork balls or chicken, thai veggies, and chinese noodles or noodles. They are served a bowl of rice after that with taro, mango or banana.(or just rice)

Take out stock in chicken broth!! My best piece of advice!!

When we first arrived home, I made quite a few stir-fry's, fried rice and pad thai meals. All were well received, I thought. Then Jet had a tummy problem (tomorrow's post!) and I went out and got chicken broth to make soup. It was the first time Jet said "good" without being asked if he liked it! Well, duh!! Our version of soup--broth, rice, chicken, carrots--is what he ate everyday, three meals a day.

It has become quite comical because every time I have a whole chicken out, he points and says with hope in his voice, "soup"!! (I tend to cook a few whole chickens at once, then pick the meat off to use in recipes)

Jet had definite dislikes in the beginning. Macaroni and cheese, peanut butter, sandwiches, oatmeal, beef of any kind, mexican food, strawberries....to name a few.

One thing to point out, I know the baby books say to try something many times before knowing if they really don't like it. I equate the process with Jet over the last 3 months, in many parts of development, to be similar to a baby/toddler's. Only on mega steroids!! The process, that is, not Jet!

He now loves macaroni and cheese, doesn't gag on his oatmeal and finds peanut butter tolerable.
He doesn't grumble about sandwiches but still prefers chicken and turkey to beef.

Soup still does reign as best!!

A side note, the soup is eaten with a spoon and a fork. Actually, Jet likes to eat most anything with both utensils. And they use them at the same time! Not one and then the other. For a while after we got home, Jet wouldn't use both. I assumed it was because his siblings didn't. However, in the last few days, he has gone back to eating that way.

When we first had Jet join us in Thailand it was obvious he was expected to eat what was on his plate. Being unfamiliar with quantities and wanting him to try new things, we had to pay close attention to whether he liked something or not. We always had something we were fairly sure he would like as well.

Papa worked to get Jet to understand he didn't have to completely clear his plate. Papa would exaggerate full by leaning back in his chair, patting his stomach and say full. Near the end of our time in Thailand Jet leaned back in his chair, patted his stomach and said FULL!! We laughed till we were crying!

And when I say clear his plate, I mean clear his plate. He will literally eat every little kernel of corn, piece of rice, noodle, not leaving anything on his plate. He still does, unless it is something he is not fond of.

We did go through a phase where he thought he could say no thank you to something that was being served. LOL

I can count on one hand how many times Jet has asked me for something to eat. He still isn't too confident with full and hungry. He did wai in the beginning each time we would offer him something to eat in between meal times.

The orphanage gave us a bunch of boxes of milk to take with us. They were soy and cow milk. We have many allergies in our house so we have all kinds of milk--goat, cow, rice, soy and almond. His favorite is the rice milk, vanilla flavored.

We do very very little soda and the bubbles drive him crazy! He is a very fast drinker and that is uncomfortable with fizz.

Hope this helps plan for some easier transitions in your house!! Any questions ask!

Who will?

Who will answer for these children? Harry Holt said this after helping to bury an orphan child in S. Korea.

I have never been able to get this out of my heart. Our first 2 adoptions were through Holt International. I read their stories over 9 years ago, while waiting for our first child. It is a driving force in continuing to pinch pennies, drive older cars, not have cable and more.

It is even more relevant to me today after having been to the orphanage 3 months ago. I know one day I will stand before my Lord to answer for my life. I hope to be able to say I have answered for these children in every way I felt you wanted me to, Lord.