Jet got up from the table this morning saying "I am so happy to have lots of days here" followed by "I am so happy to have family" all while smiling at me.
Later in the morning, Jet came up to me and asked if he should call me Mama or Mae. I answered whatever he would like to call me. I was fairly sleepy and not completely sure Mae was the word for Mama in Thai, but I was hoping. As I was trying to process this through my sleep deprived mind, Jet stepped up to the plate and was telling me Mae was Thai for Mama. I must have had some mighty confused look on my face!!
He chose Mae.
I feel very honored to be brought into his world enough to share the name he would use if raised in Thailand. I would love to know what is going on inside his head to bring him to this point.
Adopted children have so many losses in their lives. And they live with these losses forever. It isn't something that goes away after a time of adjustment. It does get easier, God willing. It may not take front place in their life or ours. But it is there and there is no instruction book that tells us when to expect feelings from their loss to surface. Or how best to help our children and ourselves cope.
I knew about the losses or so I thought until we adopted our first older child. It has opened my eyes to so many things/areas that affect our children because they are adopted. The loss of language, smells, tastes, customs, traditions, way of raising, teaching, faith, dress, way of life, family business......
At times I am overwhelmed by the losses these little beings have had so that I could be a mother. Their mother.
Other times, I feel sadness. For them, for their birth families, for their birth country. For myself, because it is hard when their hearts ache.
Then it turns to determination. You see, I know God is putting our family together. Without a doubt His hand has been on every adoption we have gone through. The following verse has meant so much to me through my grieving our infertility and accepting the path our life has taken. It has spoken to me many times, personally.
อย่ากลัวเลย เพราะเราอยู่กับเจ้า เราจะนำเชื้อสายของเจ้ามาจากตะวันออก และเราจะรวบรวมเจ้ามาจากตะวันตก Isaiah 43, 5
I believe God knew these children were to be ours before they were even 'knitted in their birth mothers' wombs'. Through all the trials and tribulations, heartaches and struggles, I am comforted by the knowledge that God will be with me through it all. All I have to do is ask.
I am determined to do my part in raising these beautiful munchkins that have traveled half a world to make a family with me. I am determined to help them cope with their losses the best I can.
I just take a deep breath, say a quick pray.......and jump!
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